Labour For Love

Chapter 7: Torn Up

I had called Natasha last night and told her of my discovery. To say she was shocked would be an understatement. Today I went out to buy my mummy her gift and was now hanging out at Ryan's house. We were currently on his couch. Brianna was next door playing with a friend. When I looked at her today, I wanted to pull her in a hug and cry but I refrain from doing so. That would be awkward.

"What's up with you? You seem quiet today" I heard Ryan asked nuzzling my neck. I shivered from his touch and eased away from him. I cannot keep this from him any longer. I looked up at him and he was giving me a confused look. I think it's time I finally tell him about what I found out. But first I have to tell him about my daughter. I took a deep breath.

"There is something I need to tell you" I began nervously.

"What is it?" He asked curiously.

"I have a daughter" I replied after a moments hesitation.

"I thought you didn't have any kids" he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"I don't. I mean I had a daughter. My mother gave her up for adoption" he had a shocked look on his face, so I continued, "I got pregnant when I was just fifteen and my mother gave her up; making the decision without involving me. From then until now I always wondered what it would be like if I kept my baby. So I decided to look for her. You know, just to meet her" I said looking down at my hands in my lap.

"Wow!" He said exhaling a big breath. I looked up and continued.

"That's not all. Yesterday when you were talking, everything seemed to add up and when I went home it was confirmed. I came to the realization that the daughter that I gave birth to is Brianna" I said in a low voice.

"My Brianna?!" He asked incredulously. I just nodded my head. He ran is hand over is face and sighed. "That's why you ran out so quickly yesterday?" Even though it didn't seemed like a question, I nodded my head again nonetheless. He was quiet for a while. "I can't believe it. You want to tell her don't you?" He asked softly.

"Yes. I'm sorry to put this burden on her, Ryan. I will understand if you don't want me to" I said feeling down. This was not what I wanted.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. It's not your fault. I understand that you want to let her know that you are her mother and I would never hold that information from her intentionally" he said caressing my cheek with his fingers. "You may tell her" he added.

I looked up at him. Tears filling my eyes, "Thank you, Ryan. Thank you so much" I said hugging him.

"Anything to make you happy, baby" he mumbled into my neck. Just then, I heard the gate opening and we looked out the window to see Brianna coming back from next door. The door pulled instantly and Brianna rushed in.

"Hi Lindsey. You're here" she grinned at me. I gave her a small smile. "I made a clock yesterday in maths class. Wanna see it. It is pretty and we had to tell the time" she began to babbler and jumped with excitement.

"That's great Brianna" I felt my voice cracked on the last word. Ryan looked at me, then Brianna and stood up.

"Brianna, before you go for your clock. Lindsey wants to tell you something" Ryan said calmly. How can he be so calm at a time like this?

"OK" she came and sat beside me on the couch, "What do you wanna say?" She asked tilting her head to the side curiously. She acts like she is big and all serious sometimes.

I looked at her. I didn't know how to start. What to say even. I sighed and began, "Brianna, I'm your mother" I said cautiously.

Brianna eyes widen and then it turned to confusion, "So you didn't want me and gave me away?" She asked hurt filled in her voice. "And now you decided to come back and pretend like you like me" she said tears now running down her cheeks.

I rushed to clarify, "No, no, it's not like that. I just found you. I--" I began, but she cut me off before I could say anything else.

"I DON'T CARE!" she screamed.

"Brianna!" Ryan exclaimed, trying to calm his daughter.

"No. The thing is you gave me away. You didn't care" she added and ran to her room.

I looked at Ryan and hurt was in his eyes, "I'm sorry Lindsey. She just needs to process this information. She gets like this when she is confused"

"No. She hates me" I looked at him, tears running down my own cheeks, "I just found my daughter and now I find out that she hates me" I repeated in a low voice.

"Linsey please. She doesn't hate you. She just needs to cool down" Ryan said coming towards me. But I was not in the mood. The pain was too much. I just wanted to go home. My mother and Natasha did warn me but I didn't listen. Now the pain that I'm feeling is unbearable.

"I'm going home" I replied standing up.

"Please stay a little bit" Ryan tried to reason but I went to the front door and fled to the gate before he could stop me. I can't believe I found my daughter and she thinks I didn't care about her. She thinks I didn't love her. That hurts more than when my mother gave her up and I didn't know if she was OK. 

Hey i'm back!!!!

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