Entry #12050104001305

You Are You, But Who Are You?

To add extra confusion to an already confusing situation, the next time Jay looked out the window to the porch, Tim's car was missing. Had someone stolen it? He hadn't heard anyone break in and the car horn hadn't gone off. But why would Tim return and not come inside? Why would he take his car but not bother to tell Jay why he was gone in the first place? None of it made sense and, though Jay had thought he was used to things making no sense, he had been proven wrong several times in just the last twenty four hours.

Sitting on the couch with his laptop in his lap, Jay tried several times to concentrate on the task at hand. An hour passed and then another and Jay hadn't accomplished a single thing. Several times he considered taking a walk just to get his mind going but every time he decided against it. He didn't want to be absent if the masked man or Tim returned. No, not if. When. Tim had to come back. This was his place, after all. Jay was staying with him, not the other way around.

Hours passed with nothing to show for it. For most of the day, Jay sat around doing nothing. When the loneliness and silence became too much to bare, he turned the volume up on his phone and let music play as he went about straightening the already straightened house. Anything that could be organized in any way was. By the time the sun began to set, Jay was out of things to organize. It was at that moment that he heard the most wonderful sound in the world.

"Jay?" Tim called from the living room, his voice thick with exhaustion. Jay sprung up from his place on the floor of Tim's room and sprinted down the hall, stopping when he reached the end. Surprise, horror, and confusion. Those were the only words that adequately described what Jay felt, though his stomach was twisted in knots of many other emotions.

Standing at the end of the couch, the door closed behind him, was Tim. His left leg was in a black cast from just above the knee to his foot, effectively keeping the leg stationary. Under each arm was a metal crutch; judging by Tim's white knuckles, Jay assumed he was gripping them tightly. Shifting on his good leg to face Jay, Tim opened his mouth to say something before shutting it. The two stood staring at each other intently, Jay's phone playing a vaguely familiar song in the background.

"What happened?" Jay asked, his voice small, dreading Tim's answer. This in and of itself was irrefutable proof that Tim and the masked man were the same, yet Jay stubbornly refused to listen to reason.

Hunched over, hands tightly gripping the handles of the crutches, Tim looked like the definition of exhaustion. He had looked normal before he left but now, he simply looked bone tired and defeated. Tim opened his mouth to answer the question but after a moment, he closed it. Breathing heavily through his nose, his jaw clenched as his eyes glanced up at the ceiling. When his gaze finally returned to Jay, his eyes were glassy with unshed tears. The pain in his eyes - physical and emotional - was what scared Jay the most. Tim was the strong one. If Tim couldn't do this, Jay knew he didn't stand a chance.

Staring intently at Jay, Tim finally whispered, "I don't..." He cleared his throat and blinked a few times, willing the tears away. "I don't know," he said in a plain tone. His shoulders hunched forward in a shrug. "I don't know Jay. I woke up in the back of my car with a broken leg and this." As Tim held out his left hand, Jay moved closer to get a better look. A very familiar word was printed on his hand in black sharpie. Holding up his own hand, Jay presented the word he had been chosen to bare.

The two stood for a moment, no words passing between them, before Tim began to chuckle. There was no mirth or happiness in the sound. It was devoid of anything except anger, exhaustion, and loathing. Judging by the way he carried himself, self loathing. The sound died in his throat as he suddenly lifted his head to stare at Jay. Eyes zeroed in on his roommate, Tim - aided by crutches - limped closer until he was nearly chest to chest with Jay. Nothing was said as Tim rested his forehead against Jay's shoulder, his eyes slipping closed.

For a moment, Jay was frozen. The emotions he had felt earlier that morning returned, this time clouded with sadness. His heart picked up its pace and with Tim practically pressed against his chest, he was sure the other man could feel it. If he did though, he didn't comment.

"I think you're right," Tim finally said after a long moment had passed.

"About what?" Jay quietly asked.

"If I had to describe my life in one word, it would be 'powerless'."