we don't know love yet. | bts & rv

Lesson 19: we don't realize yet

10 pm, the day had gone dark yet the rain showed no intention to stop. The soil that was baked so hard last summer was now macerated, what was pale beige now was dark. Skies became a wall of water in which the trees couldn't offer any shelter from those almond-sized droplets above. They were strong, and determined, like how anyone's will should be. 

With eyes at rest, Seokjin heard the gentle tapping of raindrops trickling down his clinic window.  

He loved rain, just for today, he found it soothing. The quenchable hum, the unanticipated flashes of lightning, the rolls of ominous thunder, everything oddly brought a sense of calmness within him. This was the time the man could be alone and be himself, letting every moment sink in as it was not going to last forever. 

Seokjin couldn't forget the kiss from Namjoon earlier. 

It wasn't simply just a kiss of friendships that could be given away so easily, but one that poured a romantic shot on the other's lips. He felt that. And what was he supposed to do?

Doctors would not cure themselves, plus the man wasn't a love doctor whatsoever. If math was famous for its difficulty, Seokjin found his feelings much more complicated. But though this disease couldn't even be diagnosed, he clearly knew it was chronic. Because it had thrusted through his heart, killing him slowly. 

Suddenly, the man heard a knock on his door. Curious and doubtful at the same time, he asked the stranger to come in. But eventually there was no stranger at all, just a familiar joyful face that he'd been seeing for hours recently, yet not long enough for today. 

"Sooyoungie?" Seokjin was surprised, his big eyes got bigger at the other's appearance. 

"As I thought, it's Seokjinnie!" the girl sang. As usual, she always became all excited seeing her dream man. 

"What are you doing here this late??"

"I have an evening lecture on Wednesday, my class just ended." 

"Oh, I see," the doctor pulled a chair closer to him, "have a seat, you must be tired."

"Not really, I was on my phone the time so" the young girl shrugged, still approaching the guy step by step. "But anyways, I'd love to sit next to you~ ♡"

Then silence crashed on both of them and the atmosphere tensed. This girl had never been so awkward and quiet like this before, which made Seokjin couldn't help but worry about her condition. Probably, no, apparently, what filled her mind at that instant was the midday incident among him, her, and Namjoon. She couldn't stop thinking about it, neither could him. Nonetheless, Seokjin was afraid whether if Sooyoung would have hated him and Namjoon, and where their friendships would end up being. 

"H-hey," the doctor murmured, trying his best to start a casual conversation. "About today—"

"You know..." Sooyoung interrupted him as she heaved a long sigh, "this noon...I was mad because I assumed Namjoon-oppa was only thinking of himself without considering your feelings..." 

"What...do you mean?"

"I mean, if you also had feelings for him, I will genuinely be happy for you two." She gave him a sweet smile, from which sincerity beamed brightly.

"That's very nice of you to think so, but no, I don't have feelings for him." The man paused for a second prior to his declaration. "I'm straight." And there went his heart aching again, mysteriously.