The Wandering One

Chapter 9

AUTHOR'S NOTE: There is a potentially triggering scene in this chapter, I have put a warning in the appropriate spots.

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The next morning at breakfast, Terrin was silent and withdrawn.Only speaking up and asking to speak with Adam after breakfast. He consented, confused. Was she going to try and leave again? He hoped not. He quickly finished his breakfast and followed Terrin outside. They began walking together in a comfortable silence. Adam knew he couldn't rush Terrin into talking and was content to wait. The two slowly strolled over down the road and Terrin eventually whistled a sharp three-note trill. Adam looked at her questioningly until he heard hoofbeats approaching rapidly. Lash came galloping up to them and came to a halt directly in front of Terrin, shoving his head gently into her chest.

Terrin smiled and gave Lash a lump of sugar she had hidden in her pocket at breakfast. The two continued walking, with Lash walking calmly beside Terrin, who had her hand on his neck for comfort. Terrin began talking after a few minutes and Adam just listened.

"I guess you're probably wondering what happened to me that caused me to show up at the Ponderosa like I did." Adam nodded and Terrin continued.

"I should start at the beginning, as everything really stemmed from my heritage I suppose. I was born to my parents on September 15, 1840 a year after they immigrated here from Europe. My parents were Romani, or Gypsy, as most call us. They were wonderful, Adam, you would have loved them. I was six when they were killed by a mob of angry farmers who accused my papa of stealing chickens. They burned the house, hung my father and my mama was shot in the fight. The parson found me hidden in the barn and turned me over to an orphanage.

I ran away from there when I was eight. The headmistress and I did not get along well at all. I was a 'filthy heathen' in her eyes. When I ran, I ended up lost in the wilderness and was found, half starved a week later by a band of Sioux warriors. The chief had just lost his son, and adopted me. A year later is when you and I met and had many wonderful adventures together. A year after you and your Pa left, my tribe was massacred and I was the only one who survived. I was checking some traps I had set, and when I returned, they were all dead. I was found and adopted by a white couple who couldn't have children of their own. They kept me until I was 16. Then she got pregnant, and they told me to get out and never come back.

I've been working on cattle drives and wrangling off and on since then. That was until a month ago. I was taking some furs I had trapped into town to sell, and after I sold them, two men attacked me, saying I stole the furs. I beat em' in that fight. Broke one of their noses," Terrin held her head up proud as she told this part, and then her voice became quieter again.

"I thought that was the end of it. But later when I was riding back towards camp, the two of them caught up to me, shot and beat me. They took me to a shack and kept me there. They'd beat me and whip me every day. They even..." Terrin paused, a lump had formed in her throat. She didn't know if she could get this part out. Lash nudged her hand with his nose and she continued haltingly, "Adam they... they took something away from me. They forced me to do things... Adam I tried to fight them... but they just had their way." Terrin immediately saw that Adam knew exactly what she was referring to. They had forced themselves on her.

Terrin finished her story, "I got away eventually, and ended up in front of your door."

Terrin glanced at Adam, his face held sadness and then that was swiftly replaced with fury. She hung her head in shame. She should have known that the Cartwright's would never accept someone as damaged as her. She ignored the pain and swung herself up onto Lash. She kicked him and took off at a gallop, ignoring Adam calling out behind her. How foolish of her, to actually believe that they could ever accept her when her honour was destroyed, when she was now worthless. She should have fought harder against her two captors. She should have done something. Anything. Tears streamed down her face as she rode. When she finally arrived at the edge of lake Tahoe, she slid down off of Lash's back. Her ribs and shoulder were screaming at her. She sat under a tree and hung her head. She was a failure, a mess.

Terrin got up and tapped Lash's front right shoulder. He kneeled and she climbed on his back once again. She started off towards a nearby mountain. Her thoughts became eerily calm as she rode. She was empty. There was no more hope left in her. Terrin remembered how she used to be. She had been a fighter, a warrior as brave as any of her Sioux band's warriors. She had never once backed down from a fight and had been taking care of herself for years now. But she was tired. Tired of fighting, tired of just surviving, of being ridiculed and discriminated against because of the colour of her skin. Terrin arrived at the mountain and dismounted when she reached the top of a cliff. It overlooked a forest below, the beauty was astounding, but Terrin barely noticed it. She smacked Lash's flank to send him off after kissing his soft nose, then walked to the edge of the cliff.

When Terrin took off so abruptly, Adam was shocked and panicked. The look on her face was so hurt and desolate that it scared him. He shouted after her, but when she wouldn't stop, he turned and ran back to the house. He raced into the yard yelling, "Pa! Joe! Hoss!"

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The three men bolted out the door and raced over to Adam. "What's wrong Adam? Where's Terrin?" demanded Ben. Adam quickly explained and all four saddled their horses and mounted up in record time, racing off in pursuit of Terrin. Hoss led the way, using his tracking skills with more urgency than he ever had before. Eventually it led them halfway up a mountain, just off their property. All three men dismounted and found Terrin five minutes later. She was standing at the very edge of the cliff. One inch forward and she'd fall. The four men abruptly came to a halt, just now understanding how delicate and dangerous this situation had become. Ben spoke first, gently, "Terrin, you need to take a few steps back now. Just take a few steps back and we can talk about whatever is on your mind."

When there was no response, he took a slow step forward, "Terrin, just take a step back and we can figure out whatever is troubling you. This isn't the answer."

"Ben, I'm mighty obliged to you. But my problems are beyond fixing. Just ask Adam. I am beyond fixing." Her voice was flat and empty. It sent a shock of pure terror through each of the Cartwrights. "You wouldn't want to help me if you knew what I told Adam."

Adam spoke with all the urgency and sincerity he could muster, "Mika, please..." his voice broke and he cleared it before continuing, "Don't leave us...don't leave me again. We can help you through this. I promise that what happened to you would never change how any of us feel toward you."

Joe piped up, "Terrin, please let us help you."

Even Hoss chimed in with, "What Adam said is true. There ain't nuthin on this earth that could change how amazin' we think you are."

Terrin hesitated. How could these men actually mean what they were saying? They barely knew her. They also had no idea how damaged she was. Except for Adam. That puzzled her, why did he come after her? He had looked so angry and disappointed when she told him. She didn't understand.

Ben and Adam saw Terrin hesitate and both leapt toward her at the same time, grabbing her quickly and hauling her back from the edge of the cliff. Terrin fought them for a few seconds and then lay limp in their arms as tears streamed down her face. Adam sat with her safely in his arms until she stopped crying, and then passed her to Ben while he mounted Sport. Ben passed her up to Adam and he held her as they rode back to the Ponderosa.

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For the whole ride, Terrin was silent. Her eyes held an empty gaze. All three of the other Cartwrights kept glancing back throughout the ride home. Reassuring themselves that Terrin was ok. In all honesty, they had all grown very attached to their female guest. Ben was beginning to see her as the daughter he never had. Joe and Hoss were beginning to see her as a sister, and Adam, well Adam had seen her as a sister ever since he had first met her.