The Wandering One

Chapter 18

Ben and Adam waited another five minutes, holding Terrin so she couldn't hurt them or herself, before her soft crying ceased and she stopped struggling. Adam slowly released her legs and lifted her up and carried her, tucked against his chest, to where Hoss and Joe waited with the horses. Lash approached Adam as he came into the clearing and nudged his face against Terrin. Adam frowned deeper when Terrin didn't even acknowledge Lash's presence. Ben mounted Buck and Adam passed Terrin up to him. Ben settled Terrin in front of him and cradled her against his chest. Adam, Hoss, and Joe mounted up and they all began the ride back to the house.

When they arrived back at the house three hours later, Ben carried Terrin inside to her bed and set her down. Terrin lay there, unmoving and silent, still staring into space. Ben sighed and removed her boots before pulling the blanket up around her. He sat himself in the chair by her bed and spoke softly.

"Adam told me about what those women said about you in the store today. I can also guess that they said more hurtful things that Adam didn't overhear. What I know for sure though Terrin, is that I do not care about my reputation according to them. I care about how I act and how my boys act. You have become a part of our family and we are not going to stop caring about you and loving you because of what people say. You are worth far more to me than reputation."

Terrin slowly shifted her gaze to look at Ben and she searched his face and eyes to see if he was telling the truth.

"They will never accept someone like me. I have brown skin. That is all they can see. If I stay here, they will stop doing business with you, or worse... I've seen it happen. Just let me go. I don't want to hurt you or see you get hurt because of me." Terrin's voice was empty and void of emotion, but Ben saw fear pass through her eyes as she re-lived a memory. He sighed and stroked her hair softly.

"We can discuss this all more tomorrow, when we're all more rested. Right now I'm just glad you're safe." As he settled back in the chair, a soft knock sounded at the door and Adam entered.

"I'll sit with her, Pa. Hoss and Joe want to talk to you." Ben nodded and walked out as Adam settled into the vacated chair.

Ben found his two youngest boys waiting anxiously in the living room, Joe pacing and Hoss worrying his hat in his hands and shifting from one foot to the other. Joe was the first to speak as soon as Ben entered the room.

"Is she alright Pa?" The youngest Cartwright's face showed concern and fear. Ben drew a deep breath as he tried to think of how to phrase his words. He gestured for them both to sit before he began.

"She's alive, and she's safe. Physically she is alright, but mentally she is not. She is dealing with years of hurt coming from people who don't think before they speak and who can't see past the colour of her skin. Sometimes people's words can get stuck inside your head even though you know that they are lies. Over time, if you hear those same lies over and over again, it can start to sound like the truth." Ben rubbed his hand over his face, feeling the scruff starting to grow on his jaw.

"How can we help her, Pa? How can we convince her that they are lies again?" Hoss asked desperately. Ben sighed and then answered slowly.

"I don't exactly know, Hoss. We'll have to see how things go. For now, we need to just keep speaking the real truth to her and be there for her." The two boys nodded. After Joe gave Ben and Adam's pistols back to Ben, he and Hoss went up to bed to catch a few hours of sleep. Ben looked at the clock as he walked back to Terrin's room. Three o'clock. He peeked in the door and saw that Terrin was asleep and Adam was sitting, watching her with a mixture of worry and relief in his eyes. Adam softly told Ben that he would sit with her tonight and to go to bed. Ben nodded, clasping Adam's shoulder in a reassuring squeeze before going up to his room.

The next morning, Ben woke early and went down to Terrin's room first thing. She was still asleep, but Adam was still awake watching over her. Ben sent him up to get a few hours of sleep and took his place in the chair by Terrin's bed. She awoke half an hour later and saw Ben sitting there.

Terrin studied him for a quick moment, unsure of how he would act towards her after the previous days events. Her fear settled as he softly smiled and informed her that breakfast would be in ten minutes before leaving the room so she could change. She changed out of last night's clothes and into clean ones and put her moccasins on before quietly padding out of her room and to the breakfast table. Her body had once again settled into numbness and she found herself not feeling hungry, but to prevent Ben and the boys from worrying, she ate a small serving of eggs and a strip of bacon.

After breakfast, Hoss and Terrin set off to mend fences for the day. They saddled up and rode in companionable silence until they reached a break in the fence. As they set about fixing the fence, Hoss spoke. "Hand me that hammer will ya, little sister?"

Terrin paused in surprise for a few moments before handing him the hammer that was by her feet. Even after the previous day's events, he thought of her as his little sister. The thought baffled her, and she wasn't sure if he was just saying it because of the previous night or not. Her brow furled in thought as they rode to the next break in the fence.

Hoss noted that Terrin was even more quiet than usual, only responding in single word answers. He also noticed that there was no change in emotion in her face all afternoon. When they returned to the house for supper, Terrin pushed her food around her plate and then excused herself to her room early. The four Cartwright men exchanged worried looks but wished her a good night.

That night, Adam was woken up by a scream! He leapt out of bed and raced down the stairs to Terrin's room. He burst through the door to find no intruder, just Terrin, tossing and turning with the covers twisted round her legs. He quickly crossed the room to her side and sat on the edge of her bed. He started gently speaking soothing words and placed his hand on her shoulder. Terrin jerked awake with a gasp, her eyes darting around the room in alarm.

"Adam! Get out! The fire! They'll burn us all!" Her voice was panicked and her eyes wide with terror. Adam gathered her into his arms.

"It's alright, Terrin. There's no fire. It was just a dream."

Terrin began sobbing and clutched onto his nightshirt for dear life. "It was happening again, Adam. They were going to burn the Ponderosa, just like they did last time."

Adam muttered soothing words to her and held her until she had calmed some more. By then Ben had come to see what the commotion was and sat next to Adam, rubbing Terrin's back. When her sobs had ceased and she was calm once more, Ben spoke. "What happened, Terrin? Did something happen in the past that triggered all of this?"

Terrin nodded and began her story, clutching Adam's hand for strength. "The last ranch I worked for, when the town people discovered that they were letting me stay at the ranch, they told the foreman to run me out. He disagreed. He was a really nice man. When I would go to town, the ladies would talk just like the one's yesterday. The men would make passes at me or yell insults. Then one night they set fire to the bunkhouse I was staying in. I barely made it out alive and it almost spread to the other ranch house. I left the next morning." She paused for a moment, then finished with, "I can't let that happen to you. You've been nothing but kind and I couldn't live with the guilt of knowing I brought that fate on you as well."

Ben stroked Terrin's hair comfortingly as Adam gathered her close to himself again. Adam spoke first. "Terrin, we won't let that happen. You will always be safe here. Always."

"Some of the people in Virginia City may not be able to see past the cokour of your skin, but there are also many who will welcome you. Let us show you that there are people who will accept you as you are. Please give us a chance." Ben's voice was gruff with emotion and laced with understanding. After a few minutes, Ben bade Terrin goodnight and returned to his bed. As Adam stood, Terrin tugged on his hand.

"Thank you, Adam."

Adam smiled gently at her.

"You're welcome."