melancholia. [ ALTERNATE SPIN-OFF ] [ BILLY HARGROVE ]

xxix. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

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warnings... :(

     Billy's head dangled slightly from the exhaustion of the torture and the poison slowly creeping up to his brain. He was tired, and he wanted to sleep in a normal position. He needed food other than the bagel that Mandy brought every morning and the mush that the guards give him every seven hours. But he didn't care about all of that as much as he cared about being able to hold Mary again. 

     His heart ached every time he thought about something going wrong and Mary getting hurt again. Or even worse, dying right in front of him just like last time. He was scared at how fast the serum was spreading to his brain, how it was altering memories he had of her. They were small ones, but he could feel that larger memories beginning to get tainted. 

     He was remembering the day they met in two different ways. The way that it actually happened, and the way Jackson wanted him to remember it. The way Jackson was slowly making him remember it was that Mary ignored Billy, and their entire conversation never happened. He never got the chance to think that she was the one he wanted to see more. 

     But the worst part was the thought that Jackson put in Billy's mind. That Mary, at some point, willingly broke up with Billy. She broke his heart on her own terms because of Alex Gold. If Billy even thought about that one, he'd tear up. His chest would tighten, and his neck would swell as it felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. 

     And just when Billy thought it couldn't get worse, it did. Because during the day, that's when Billy could fight with his own mind. But at night? That's when the nightmares came. 

~*~

     The world around Billy was still. He could see that the walls were painted like a nursery would be, and decorated as such. He walked to the bookshelf first, picking up a few children's books. He set them back down, walking to the changing table. He passed over that, then went to the dresser. There was three pictures of a baby, and then one of Mary holding said baby. He set down the picture, turning to the crib as he knew this was either about to get so much better or so much worse. 

     The edge of the crib said Ella May, Billy smiling slightly at the name. He ran his finger over the letters, then heard a small coo from inside the crib. He looked inside to see the baby girl was kicking her legs and arms up to indicate she wanted something. Billy smiled lightly, reaching in to pick her up and help her with whatever she wanted. But right when he tried to grab her, his hands went through her body as if he was just a projection. 

     "What?" he mumbled. He tried to grab her again, but the same thing happened. "No, no, no." He kept trying, then suddenly heard a voice from the hallway. 

     "I'll get her honey! You rest!" the male voice called. Billy watched as Jackson walked into the room, a smirk on his face. "You thought she was your baby, right? You tried to pick her up?" 

     "Mary's going to be my wife, Ella May was supposed to be our baby. That's my baby," Billy seethed at him. "T-That was the agreement. Mary named the girls, I named the boys." 

     "Oh, well, now Ella May is my baby. And Mary's. Mary wanted to have a life with me, and not you. Shall I show you?" Jackson grabbed Billy by the head, showing him a projection of him and Mary. He watched as Mary and him screamed at each other, eventually walking away from one another in a fit of rage. Billy walked back to Mary, but she was already long gone. Then it showed Mary and Jackson falling in love, getting married, having a baby, meanwhile Billy had nothing to do with any of it. "You see? She hated you so much that she thought I would be a better husband." 

     "Shut up," Billy whispered, shaking his head slowly. "No, it's not real. It's not real." 

     "Oh, but it is. She's already moved on. She's not looking for you. She left you, Billy," Jackson told him, Billy looking up at his torturer. "All that effort, all that devotion you gave to Mary, just seems worthless now, doesn't it?" 

     "Stop," Billy mumbled, shutting his eyes. 

     "You just hate her, don't you?" Jackson asked, Billy shaking his head. 

     "Get out of my head," Billy said again. "Leave me alone." 

     "What if it wasn't me?" Jackson asked, Billy opening his eyes and looking at him. "What if she married Steve?" The room changed and Billy could now see Steve holding Ella May while Mary was standing next to him and leaning against his arm. They looked happy. 

     "No," Billy mumbled in horror. 

     "What if..." Jackson paused, a smile creeping on his face. "What if it was Gold?" Jackson snapped his fingers, and this time it was Alex holding the baby. Mary was looking at the baby with him, then looked up at him and kissed him happily. Billy watched for a moment as his biggest fear was sitting right in front of him, and he had nothing to say or do. "That one hurts, doesn't it? Watching her be happy with a man who once caused her tremendous pain? Someone she told you she hated?" 

     "Mary," Billy whispered, walking to her slowly. "How... How could you?" 

     "Yes," Jackson continued, walking next to Billy. "How could she leave you for him?" Billy tried to reach out to touch her, but his hand went through again. "She hasn't thought about you in years. She's over you. She doesn't love you." 

     "Just let me hold my baby," Billy begged, looking back at Jackson. "Please, I may never get to again, I just want to hold my little Ella May. I'm begging you. Just let me hold her. Just this once." 

      "You mean their baby?" Jackson asked, pointing to the two behind Billy. He slowly turned to look at Alex and Mary, a small sob escaping his lips. He turned around to hit Jackson, but was met with Mary instead. 

     "Why did you do it?" she asked, Billy furrowing his eyebrows. "Why would you let me die?" 

     "No, Mary, I-I-" 

     "You sat there while that beast devoured me," she snapped. "Do you even love me?" 

     "Of course, doll, I-" 

     "Because I don't love you," she said. Billy paused at her words, standing up straight as his eyes watered again. "You let me die. How could you let me die? I hate you, Billy. I hate you!" 

     "Stop it!" Billy screamed, grabbing his head in pain. "Stop it! Stop it! It's not real! Stop!" 

~*~

     Billy's eyes snapped open as he could feel the guards trying to wake him up. He gasped as they all stepped back, and immediately started crying. The guards seemed satisfied that he was awake, and left the room. Billy hunched over in his chair, sobbing uncontrollably from the pain. He wanted the dreams to stop. He wanted to be whole again, he wanted to feel loved. 

     And that was it. Billy Hargrove no longer felt loved. 

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*hides behind chair*
please don't murder me
i'M sOrRy

anyways...
hope you enjoyed???