melancholia. [ ALTERNATE SPIN-OFF ] [ BILLY HARGROVE ]

xxxvii. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

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warnings: mature language

     Mary was laying against the bed frame, one arm around Billy as he kept one of his hands intertwined with hers. She was running her fingers through his hair with her other hand. Billy was staring at one spot on the wall. He kept remembering those final moments right before he'd stabbed Jackson. 

     The urge to protect the woman he loved, but all the immediate regret when he stabbed him. The burden that was on his shoulders that he killed someone who never got to live his life as a normal human being. Jackson was corrupted the same way that Billy was, just worse. He only wanted one thing, to be able to show Mary how much he loved her. But he couldn't do that without going faint or throwing up. He'd been sick for days, and he wanted it to be over. He wanted to feel happy again. He hated the anger and the hate, he only wanted to be happy. 

     But for now, he was going to be full of regret. He wanted to find Jackson's family and apologize to them. He said sorry to Mandy over a hundred times before she went to go bury his body in the woods. He'd cried into Mary's shoulder, telling her he never meant to kill anyone. 

     "Mary," he whispered. She hummed at him, still running her fingers through his hair. "Why are you still here?" 

     "What do you mean?" she asked, looking down at him. 

     "Why do you still love me?" he asked. "I've... I've been nothing but horrible to you. Why are you still here?" Mary took a moment to think, then she leaned down and kissed his cheek. 

     "If the roles were reversed, would you still be here?" she asked. Billy took a deep breath, shutting his eyes as he tightened his grip on her hand. 

     "Of course I would," he responded. "I..." He trailed off, not being able to tell her he loved her. 

     "It's okay," Mary said, running her thumb across his cheek. "I love you, too." She kissed his cheek one more time, going to stand when he moved his other arm to pull her back down. 

     "Stay," he said, Mary smiling slightly at him. She crawled back into the bed, keeping her arm wrapped around him. She waited until he fell asleep to get up and go back to her room to start cleaning the blood out of her floors. 

     In the morning, Billy woke up to the disappointing feeling of being alone in his bed. He realized he wasn't in chains, and he tried to block out his moment of weakness. He stood and walked to the door to see it was still unlocked. He stepped out of the room to hear talking outside the front door. He walked to the window, pulling back the curtain slightly to see it was Mary, Steve, Gold, Mandy, and Hopper. He figured they were talking about Jackson, and that's when everything came back to him. He turned and walked back to his room, grabbing the chains and locking them around his wrists and ankles like they were. He laid back in his bed again, staring at the wall again. 

     The front door opened and closed, Billy not bothering to look that way. 

     "Hargrove, you and I are going for a walk," Steve said, walking into the room. "Why are the chains back on? Mary said she left them off." 

     "I'm dangerous," Billy responded. "I killed Jackson." Steve sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I could hurt Mary, and that means hurting the baby." 

     "Look, as long as Mary can look out for herself, you're not going to hurt her. I gurantee, she has the upper hand about ninety-nine percent of the time," Steve told him, beginning to back out of the room. He went to the kitchen and grabbed the key, going to Billy and unlocking the chains. They fell to the ground again, Steve shoving them away with his foot.