Flipped (L.T.)

Chapter 43: Tell Me A Lie

I watch wistfully as Louis and Marilyn enjoy their meal. I hope she chokes on that damn sandwich. And Louis... I just cant believe he's doing this to me.

I was supposed to be all he thought about, the one he loved. I thought he was supposed to care about me and never leave my side. He made it seem like it was us against the world and now mine was crumbling beneath me while his was standing firm with a new partner. I slowly felt myself fading while she took the spotlight. I couldn't see Louis' face but I'm guessing he mirrored her ebullience.

Marilyn couldn't stop smiling. It seemed like every other word she spoke turned into another laughing fit. Her wavy locks bounced as she bobbed her head. What was Louis saying to her that was so, goddamn funny. I'm sure whatever it was, was definitely hilarious. Louis has a natural gift of making people laugh; it doesn't take much.

My heart aches when I reminisce back to the time when we were on the balcony attending that rich kid's party. It was the first time Louis and I had a civil conversation. He was teasing me about not liking how crowded it was and my heart swooned at his dashing smile.

Thats also the same night he kissed me; my first kiss. It was the most perfect moment of my life. Nothing else could compare to the fulfillment of finally experiencing your loves affection. It caught me totally off guard but I'm glad I didn't stop him. I had succumb to my desires and let Louis lead me with his sweet embrace. I can still feel the softness of his lips, the coldness that came from his drinking that night, and the mixture of cologne and liquor that lingered off of him in the most alluring way. Even when intoxicated, he was perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better person to share my first kiss...among other things.

The night we made love, I felt as though Louis and I had made some unspoken agreement. That he was mine and I, his. That we'd lay claim over each other by sealing the deal with our connection. I had given Louis my greatest gift and thought that would be proof enough of how much I loved and trusted him. Agreeing to have sex, I also gave him my word of never choosing anyone over him; to let him know that I was his forever and he was my one and only.

I begin to feel the burning sensation in the back of my throat as I reach the climax of my thoughts, trying to maintain my stone demeanor as I felt tears begin to fill behind my walls.

The truth is, no matter what happens, no matter what I go through next, I'll never be the same. I tried to change but ended up the same scared little girl who was tossed aside, helplessly watching from the sidelines.

Time could go on, seasons could change, we would all age, but only one constant would remain the same. Louis would be the only one I saw worthy of chasing, and the only man I'd ever fully give myself too. If not with him, I'd never reach my full potential and end up leaving a trail of broken hearts as I searched for something to help the pain subside. I would carry the burden of loving someone who was able to easily move on to someone better.

I must be honest, Marilyn would be better for him. She doesn't come from a troubled home, she isn't bruised from head to toe, and her heart isn't ninety percent fucked up like mine. Shes capable of really feeling and showing the emotion Louis craves. I try to be open, but I'm just so closed off, I've forgotten how to translate my own feelings. It doesn't come as natural to me, as it does to her.

Louis must love that, having a girl thats so easily read and open. I envy that about Marilyn. She isn't afraid to say what she wants. Granted, she is an irritating, loquacious girl with an artificial personality. But she still has the one trait I lack.

Maybe thats why he ran to her. She was able to say all that he wanted while I was still being so cold and stubborn. I don't mean to be, its just...hard. The little times I have exposed my thoughts, it took every ounce of strength I had. Being that vulnerable scares the shit out of me and Louis has no idea how simple it would be to destroy me with a quick rejection or any kind of negative response.