Letter 2 U

Part 14 - The Dare

A disappointed Jinyoung sat on Mark's bed only in his boxers. In his left hand, he held a rejected ring that weighted nothing, but carried a tremendous meaning. His right hand covered his face as he hung his head down. He had already dried his tears, but his heart had never suffered such an injury, not even when Mark had started dating Jackson. He didn't want JB to be so wise, he wished he had listened to him, but the damage was done. His boyfriend was crouched on the floor, next to the bedroom door with his pajamas top still unbuttoned and an upset look on his face. He wasn't crying either, but his silence was deafening.

"Are you gonna tell me why, at least?" Jinyoung managed to ask without looking at him.

"It's silly. Why start something we cannot finish?" Mark murmured sadly, gazing at the floor.

"You say that because of our careers? My family and Koreans intolerance towards the LGBT community?" Jinyoung just named some of JB's concerns he carelessly ignored before.

"The issue is me, Jinyoung. The Mark you think you know, but you have no idea who he really is. There's so much you don't know about me, things I've been hiding from you...Facts that once you hear about, may force you to change your opinion about me. I'm not marriage material." The coincidence in that last sentence almost made him laugh. If he wasn't so heartbroken he probably would. The American's words made the other sigh exasperated. He stared at his boyfriend knowingly. He thought he knew what the other meant.

"I was told that before, you know, that I'm too screwed up to take such a huge step. Still, I followed my heart. Whatever it is that you're keeping from me, just tell me and we can work things out. Nothing will stop me from loving you at this point. Trust me, you can confide in me your darkest secrets and none of them will make me love you less. I promise you that." The singer wanted his lover to reveal everything about his second attempt, the therapy, his suspicious fight with Jackson in Macao, he was ready to accept everything.

Jinyoung left the ring on the bed and crawled to where Mark was. He quietly took his hands in his and eyed him fondly. Mark accepted his touch, but his expression still looked troubled. His dongsaeng could tell how hard it was for Mark to talk about the subject that haunted his mind. Nevertheless, Jinyoung was often wrong about his boyfriend's motives and purposes. The tale his boyfriend was about to tell wasn't the one he expected hear.

"I tried to hang myself when I was in middle school. I was constantly bullied, and it would drive me crazy every time it happened. There was also this P.E. teacher who would always save me from bullies, but on several occasions tried to make a pass at me in the locker room. I truly wanted to end my life back then. I used to cut myself and do all kinds of drugs when I was younger. My parents had me committed once. By the time I finished high school, everyone thought that bad phase was over." Mark paused to bit his lip, but his boyfriend held his hands tightly, encouraging him to continue his sorrowful story. Jinyoung hadn't seen that coming. He felt terribly sorry for the American, it pained him to know his partner had gone through so much ordeals, but he needed to know everything. He promised himself he would be strong for Mark.

"Go on, I'm listening. What happened to the bullies and the perverted teacher?" The singer asked softly. Mark looked away as he felt shame and anger at the same time.

"I don't know, and I don't care. My parents sent me to another school. They guessed about the bullying but I've never told them how many times that teacher kept asking me for sexual favors." Mark sighed deeply as he closed his eyes.

"Did, he do anything to you? Did he touch you?!" Jinyoung sounded alarmed. He couldn't bear the idea of someone forcing himself on him.

"I never let him. I always managed to escape somehow. I know I was a coward and I should've told someone. I'm aware that my pathetic silence might've put another student in the same danger I was in after I left. Yet, I let that dirty old man get away with it. I was weak, selfish and irresponsible. At some point, when I moved to Korea, I thought I could just forget all of it, put that shit behind me. For more than five years, I could live with that, but those feelings of being persecuted, harassed and unsafe, they all returned with the appearance of letter2u. You see, I'm not good enough for you Jinyoungie, I'm damaged goods." Mark confessed and finally looked his boyfriend in the eye.