Torn // H.S.

Chapter 28

Waking up after what was seemingly the most intense and emotional day of my life I realized there was still so much I needed to process and the only thing that would help was time. To my surprise Harry didn't put up a fight when I requested just that. Time to process everything that happened within the span of that day. I could see the disappointment clear on his face when he woke to find me fully dressed sitting at the end of the bed. And again when I told him that I needed space to think and I didn't know how long it would take.

That was nearly two weeks ago now. The first few days were the hardest. So much was racing through my head that concentrating during class was almost impossible. I received the occasional text from Harry the first two days, but I told him that I would let him know when I was ready to talk. I haven't seen or heard from him since. On top of that, Julie and I haven't said more than a few words when passing each other in the apartment. A simple "hey" or "can I have one of your pop tarts", nothing that would be considered a real conversation. To my relief Sam has been no where to be seen, since his drunken confrontation.

I forgot what it was like to spend so much time alone. To be left alone with my thoughts for so long. Along with the space, my thoughts are finally starting to become untangled. Finally my own again. I can start to think clearly about what it is that I need. The end of the semester is approaching and graduation right after that, I need to be able to focus on school. Which is exactly what I have been doing for the last two weeks. I've been working a lot since I took the week off for spring break. When I'm not in class or at work I have been holed up in a corner of the library. The calm has been so nice, but I find myself missing Harry often. It's in the little things, like I'll see something or hear a funny joke and find myself wanting to tell him about it. It's so strange because Harry hasn't been in my life very long, but it feels like he was always there.

Everything moved so quickly between Harry and I when this all started that I don't want to make the same mistakes again. We are both so new to this idea of a relationship, neither of us knowing exactly how to navigate it. I feel the only way that we can truly make this work between us, is if we give each other the chance to know one another in a way we didn't get to the first time. By moving slowly and taking the time to figure out what our relationship could look like going forward.

The bell on the front door of the cafe rings again as another person strolls in stealing my attention from the book in front of me. A tall blonde girl walks in and I shift my focus back to my book even though I know I am going to continue to reread the same paragraph again. I'm trying to distract myself as I continue to wait for Harry to arrive. Ever since I texted him yesterday asking if we could meet up I have had this anxious feeling take over. All I can do is hope that he agrees with what I have to say, and that he hasn't and won't change his mind on how he feels about me.

It takes my brain a minute to register the sound of the front door again. I can feel his presence before I even get the chance to look up. "Hi," his beautiful deep voice rings out above me. His accent sounds so much more distinct then I remember. It's like I haven't heard it in what feels like forever.

"Hi," My voice comes out soft as I look up to meet his eyes.

I have been anxiously waiting to see what reaction I get from him. His eyes are soft and he smiles just a little keeping his lips in a thin line. He is not angry, so we are off to a good start. But his expression gives off nothing else. There is a slight tension in the air between us. Not uncomfortable or angry, it's more like we are unsure of how to act around one another. Harry pulls out the chair across from me, the legs of it scratching against the floor when he does.

As he takes his seat I take note of his usual black jeans that he has paired with a striped red and blue T-shirt leaving most of his tattoos visible. When he clasps his hands together on the table in front of us I notice he is not wearing any of his rings today. I find myself missing them. I don't realize how long we are sitting in silence as I stare at his hands until Harry clears his throat pulling my attention back to his expecting eyes.