Torn // H.S.

Chapter 32

Five Months Later

It's been five months since my move and New York is finally starting to feel like home. I have my favorite walking route to work that takes me past an amazing little Cuban coffee shop that has the best coffee I've ever had in my life. The old couple who own it know me by name now and have my order ready for me every morning when I stop in on my way to work.

It's strange that even though I haven't spoken a word to Harry since that day I still am reminded of him all the time. I walk into a beautiful building and I think of the pictures he showed me of hotels he dreamed of running, or I will be in a store and hear a song playing that he showed me and I will be transported back to that moment. I close my eyes and I can see his emerald ones, feel his warmth, smell his cologne mixed with his favorite minty gum.

I allow myself to live in that moment for just a second before I force myself out of it and continue on. It doesn't happen all the time but when it does I can feel it so strongly it shakes me to my core. I often wonder if he ever feels it to. If maybe we ever feel it at exactly the same time.

I always thought that I would find this great love. That if I waited long enough I would find it. And I thought maybe, Harry was that great love. But what if you don't get that kind of greatness without sacrifice. What if, in order to have that kind of passion you have to take the pain with it, like a balance in the universe. I don't think I am strong enough to deal with this kind of pain. What if after all this time of waiting I just have to settle for a mediocre love. I think that scares me the most. Giving up on this desperate kind of love because the pain is just too much.

Julie and I talk every other week or so. I asked about Harry the first few weeks after I left but she only gave me short answers saying things like she saw him in town the other day and he seemed like he was doing okay. They no longer hang out and they both keep to their separate friend groups. I stopped asking about him because I was afraid she would eventually give me an answer I couldn't take. We usually stick to topics of work and how nursing school is going.

She started dating Sam two months ago and she says she may be falling in love with him. I couldn't believe it when she told me. But I think they are exactly what the other needs, Sam is stable and sweet despite his drunken slip up that one time, but everyone deserves a second chance. I think Julie will be good for him too, she is head strong and wild and probably pulls him out of his little box he likes to stay in. When we spoke last week she started asking me if I had been on any dates and I quickly changed the topic telling her that Sam and her have to come visit me whenever they are free. She didn't push, knowing I wasn't ready or interested in spending my evenings on horrible first dates. All I would do is compare each guy to the one I no longer had.

James told me over summer that he was searching for a ring for Erin. He called last night to tell me he finally asked her and she said yes. I am so happy for him. I let the tears fall telling myself they were because of how excited and happy I am for him, for the both of them. But deep down I knew a small part of me was crying because he had such a full heart and I was missing a piece of mine.

The loneliness I feel now is so much different from those years in college. Those years in college I spent trying to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be. Now I know who I am and what I want, but part of the piece is missing. I left a chunk of my heart back in Georgia that can't be filled with adventures or self discovery only with a set of emerald eyes.

As I walk into the coffee shop Dee gives me a smile from behind the cash register. The shop is rather full this morning and I work my way through the people to reach the front counter.

"Here's your coffee and bagel darling," Dee says handing me my order over the side counter.

"Thank you," I say smiling at her but when I pull out my card for her to swipe she waves her hand at me telling me no. I give her a confused look because this is our normal routine. She hands me my order I hand her my card, I pay and she tells me to have a lovely day.

"It's already been taken care of," she says with a sweet smile.

"What?" I can't help my short response because I am so confused.

She nods her head to the other end of the counter and I turn my head to see what she is referring to. My heart is thumping so hard it nearly hurts and my breathing is steadily increasing every second. I close my eyes tightly thinking my mind is playing cruel tricks on me again, but when I open them again the tall figure with his back to me is still there. He has on a black coat and black skinny jeans. His hair looks shorter but I would know those messy curls anywhere. I tell myself not to get too worked up it could just be someone who looks like him from the back, there are a lot of people in New York. But when he turns around his emerald eyes find mine almost on instinct. I nearly drop my coffee to the floor when he gives me a giant dimple smile.

He pulls his hands from his pockets and opens his arms slightly and it all the conformation I need before I am in his arms wrapping myself around him and trying not to spill my coffee down his back. His chuckle vibrates against me and I am so overwhelmed I could cry.

"Are you really here?" I whisper with my head buried in his neck breathing in his scent that hasn't changed a bit.

"I'm really here," he chuckles.

He offers to walk me to work and the first bit of our conversation revolves around me finding out how he learned where I would be and what time. Apparently Julie was more than willing to give over the information when he called her a few days ago.

"I'm moving here in two weeks," he blurts out after we have been walking in a weirdly awkward silence for a few minutes.

My breath feels like it's knocked out of my lungs at his words and I can't respond before he continues again.

"I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything to you, and that I didn't exactly react that well when you left but I have missed you so much you have no idea. Anyway my dads record company the one I help run is opening an office here in the city and I offered to oversee the process. So I'm moving here." He rambles nervously making my heart flutter.

"Harry," I say grabbing his hand and he turns to me. "Would you like to go on a date with me in two weeks?" I ask and I watch as his smile forms and his cheeks heat slightly.

"I was supposed to ask you that," he says fake pouting.

"I'll let you plan it and pay if you want," I say smiling at him.

"Deal," he laughs.

We spend the rest of the walk catching up about my life here and everything that's happened back in Georgia since I left. There are a few moments of tension because of unresolved feelings that came with my departure and the fact that we haven't spoken a word to each other since. But there is also an undeniable happiness flowing through us and to each other at the fact that we get the chance to try again. For real this time.

As we get closer to my office my anxiety starts to kick in fearing the goodbye that is coming quickly. Then it hits me that this isn't goodbye, this time it's see you later. He is here, walking next to me making me laugh at his stupid jokes and smiling down at me with his perfect dimple smile.

I start to slow down my pace as we arrive at my office building. As we come to a stop I close my eyes praying this isn't another one of my moments that were triggered without me knowing. That this isn't just my mind playing cruel tricks on me. When I slowly open my eyes back up I see his boyish grin shining down at me and he chuckles softly. The sound still sends a warmth through my body.

"I'll see you later," he says sweetly looking down at me.

"See you later," I smile even though my cheeks hurt because I haven't been able to keep the giant grin off my face since I saw him.

He leans down and presses his soft lips to my cheek sending a tingle throughout my body. He smirks when he notices the way my body still reacts to his touch. He winks at me cheekily before whispering, "Later Love," and starts walking back down the street disappearing into the crowd of New Yorkers heading to work.