Your Natural Hatred

Chapter 11

I sat down with Frank at lunch.

"So, I'll trade you my pudding for your apple," I said. "I'm in an apple mood today."

"We should keep our food to ourselves," he said.

"Okay," I said. "Did you wanna play some video games after school?"

Frank sighed and got up, walking away from the table. I frowned following after him.

"Leave me alone you fucking fag!" Frank shouted.

He turned, slapping me across the face. I stared at him in shock, he seemed just as surprised.

"I-I didn't mean to..." Frank trailed off before leaving the cafeteria.

Jamia came up to my side, pulling me out to the hallway. My eyes watered as I sat on a bench, looking out the window.

"Does this have anything to do with Frank hooking up with me on Saturday night?" She asked.

"Saturday night?" I asked. "Right after our date?"

"You had gone on a date that night?" Jamia asked. "I'm sorry, if I knew he was seeing someone I wouldn't have slept with him. Why was he so upset when he came by?"

"Because someone called us fags when we were kissing," I said. "And then he just took his jacket back from me and left."

"Shit, I'm sorry," she said. "I'll try talking to Frank. I could tell he didn't mean to hit you, he was just upset and sometimes when he's upset he lashes out."

"Yeah, I heard he's been known to break things," I said. "I was just hoping it wasn't going to be my face."

"This is new to Frank," she said. "He's never questioned his sexuality before. He is closeted and scared. His dad isn't the greatest and has always tried to mold him into this perfect son that Frank has tried his hardest to be."

I looked down, shaking my head.

"I just thought I was making progress with him, we were doing good together," I said. "And I know he's scared and just have to take it slow."

Jamia nodded, rubbing my shoulder.

"I'm really sorry," she said before leaving.

I wiped my eyes, grabbing my notebook before I started writing.

Frank, I know that this is hard for you. If you don't want to be with me then you should just say it, not sleep with another girl. I'm sorry if I pushed you too far too fast, I just want us to be together and happy. I know it's hard for you with your dad and everything. Just know that I'm here for you if you need anything. I care about you a lot, Frankie. Just know that I need to make amends for you and I want you to be happy, even if you decide it's not with me. But staying in the closet is not what's going to make you happy. I care about you a lot and I wish that you could express your feelings. Expressing feelings can be good for you and can make you feel better. We can go back to how we were before, just hanging out in private in secret. We can do anything you want, just let me make amends with you.

I stuffed the note into Frank's locker before going to my next class.

At the end of the day I went home. It was empty, my mom was at book club and Mikey was at lacrosse practice. There was a knock on the door and I opened it to find Frank.

"I'm sorry for hitting you," he whispered, holding my letter in his hand.

"Frankie, can we talk?" I asked.

He nodded and we went down to the basement. We sat down on the couch, a little bit of space between us. Frank looked at me with watery eyes.

"I didn't mean to sleep with Jamia," he whispered. "I also didn't mean to hit you. I-I'm so sorry. I like you a lot, Gerard. I'm just shit."