Letters to a Marine

gone like yesterday

Dear Marine                                                                                       9-21-12

                Today was the day you left. I wanted to be strong for you, not cry. But as soon as you walked out of the car and had your back to me as you walked through the building door, the tears went down my face, any façade of strength I had was gone with you, I couldn’t even look as you walked through the door, as I stared at my blurry hands on the steering wheel. If you took my strength with you then I don’t mind because it’s for good use and I hope you keep that little part of me with you till you come back in three months.

                I could tell you were nervous, overthinking it all because you’re not much of a person to fidget and have to always be moving or to stare off in space, which you were doing all three today. The closer 1:00 got to us the more you had to move, to pace around, and make sure you had everything right. I couldn’t do anything but watch as you worried, nothing but watch and hold your hand, calming you down every now and then, I am sorry I could do no more but give you my strength and let you know I was there, letting you know that the warmth of my hand was my support on your decision to stick by you.

                Even though we didn’t do much for your last day, since it was subway for breakfast, then walked around the mall and Petsmart looking for gerbils, I hope you will be able to remember me and know you have nothing to worry about. I wish we could of done something more exciting for you than just hangout, but like you have pointed out many times, there isn’t much to do in our little town.

                Everyone says it is just three months, and I agree with them, three months is not that long, but I don’t see it as three months. When you walked through that door, your back held strait and head up, when I had to look away, I was trying to stop the truth. This time it was just 3 months, but for the next 5 years this is what it is going to be, me watching you walk through a door with your head held high, because you were one of the few, the proud, and the loud, you were a marine. I was not ashamed to be known or seen with you, I held my head high and back strait for you, but when no one was around I crumbled to see the truth lurking in front of me. The ugly truth of life that kept the world going around. That no matter what you will always be coming and going, that no matter how short the span of time it is this time, next time will just be longer. When you walked through that door I saw that truth in the blur of my tears and whites of my knuckles, saw the truth of you gone, saw the truth that I loved you and didn’t want you gone, saw the truth that I would wait because goodbyes weren’t needed since you were coming back. These truths looked me in the eye, so I looked back at them, challenging them to make me care that he was gone, because he was coming back and these truths couldn’t change that.

                So I drove away, the tears on my cheeks drying, just one every now and then coming down. The realization was slowly coming to me, who was I going to talk to when I need a laugh? Who was going to make me smile with just one text? Or who was going to hold me when I need it? These questions ran through my head as I turned mechanically through the town to my house, where I knew a silent phone would greet me since you weren’t there to text it. It hasn’t even been a day, but I think I will be fine because I don’t want you to worry, I want you to focus on you while you use the strength I gave you. I will be able to answer all my questions in three months time, but for now I hope you know I love you and to not over think things that you cant help.

                I will see you in three months time my dear marine.

                                                                                                    -The one who waits for you