A Teenage Mind

for broken people like me.

you wanna know the funny part, my pain is so easily fixable. let me explain, my pain derives always from the same thing. the feeling of failure. my entire life i've been the golden boy, i was perfect in the eyes of everyone. and within the years it has all died down. which is perfectly fine, family is no longer family, so i'm fine without the attention. but it is the thought that i am letting myself down. there once was a boy filled with aspirations, he is gone now. i miss the dreams and goals i would set. because now it all seems hopeless. i have let myself down over and over again. times i said i would change, have always ended the same. and now, i am nothing but average. this idea of failure and averageness terrifies me. who have i become? i look in the mirror and see nothing but exhaustion. exhaustion of trying so much, just for nothing to change. so i say again, my pain is easily fixable, atleast that's what everyone implies. just get yourself together, become more organized, you can do this, they all say. but i've tried, and the past year has felt like nothing but a constant loop. and within that constant loop, i have failed every single day. so tell me, how am i supposed to fix something, that has remained broken, even after hours of tears? tell me, how can fix it, when i don't even know where to start. when i have been consumed with exhaustion, and the idea that i will never change. so tell me again, that this is my fault, invalidate me again. no one, and i mean truly no one, will ever understand.