"𝘼 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙛𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙣 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧 𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖 𝙗𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣𝙚."
The year 2021 became the worst year for Twice as they were caught in a scandal that made their popularity plummet downhill.
After a few years...
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N A Y E O N
Too often I felt that being an idol is the best and worst thing that happened in my life. I know that I've reached something that only some can dream of, and yet, I also felt that this achievement of mine is still insignificant compared to others.
I was always the outgoing social butterfly member of the group. That was my image. I laugh when the situation requires me to laugh, and I talk when people want me to talk. I was that type of person.
Playing that role for almost 10 years in the industry makes everything feel desaturated. The truth is, I'm actually very distrustful around others.
In my line of career, I've seen human behavior at it's best and worst. I'm no expert at it but I guess I can say I'm a good observer.
Sometimes, I seem to do it even without thinking. Even at the simplest situations, I find myself quick to expect what their next actions will be.
After that incident, I have survived another 3 years in the industry without making another wrong move to the eyes of the media.
I just don't want to fall victim to this harsh reality. Not ever again.
And yet, reality seems to have other plans. I've fallen once again in its trap as I pass into a situation during my daily morning jog.
It was a clear morning. The air was cool but this blue tracksuit I'm wearing and hot packs in my hands and feet made the coldness bearable.
That was when I thought I saw a back of two people oddly familiar going at a secluded corner of the street.
I squinted my eyes at their direction. I don't know if I'm hallucinating but the pair both looks like someone I know.
Without thinking, my feet followed the couple. I can hear their hush voices growing louder with each step I take.
And that was it.
I stopped at my tracks the moment I realized who the pair are.
"Unnie..." Tzuyu says with fright in her eyes.
She was holding hands with Jinyoung and seemed to be having a pretty intimate talk with one another.
When Jinyoung turned his head towards me his eyes widen.
I stopped myself before I make a scene at the secluded area in our neighbourhood.
"Tzuyu ya~ Jinyoung Oppa... what were you two doing?" I asked whilst giving them a confused look.
Jinyoung stepped forward and walked towards me while Tzuyu just held her head down and seems to cry.
I try to regain my composure from the shock I felt. No, I must be misunderstanding this.
"Nayeon-a...I know I can't keep lying to you for so long and you're bound to know sooner and later," he sighs as he stopped in his tracks.
"The truth is I've developed feelings for Tzuyu," he pauses, "and she also feels the same."
I scoffed at them with disbelief. I was right all along.
I tried holding my breath for a bit thinking that it will also hold back my tears.
I looked at her tall figure that was now seemingly small from putting her head down and her arms wrapped around her.
I was hoping that she would deny it. I was hoping that she would say that they were just friends and that she'll never steal her friend's boyfriend.
But she slowly nods at what Jinyoung says. I scoffed at her response.
"I can't believe this..." I muttered to myself. Stop. Don't you dare cry.
I know I'm her Unnie and I know I shouldn't be thinking of hurting her, but damn it! A thousand words and unimaginable profanities wanted to explode out from me.
I want to hit him, I want to release my anger at them for the betrayal they did, I want to do something that I'm sure to regret. But I can't do any of that, with my image already tainted I have nothing left for my protection.
The tears started to fall from the frustration I felt. But I had wiped all of them before it became noticeable.
No, I refused to be the loser at their story.
With a small ounce of competitive spirit and dignity that I have, I mustered the courage to speak again.
"I never once did anything unfaithful in this relationship..." I started, "I held on to this relationship even with all the hate I received!" I sniffed.
"And this..." I paused, "you chose to break the trust and respect I held towards you!" I exclaimed as I pointed my finger to Jinyoung.
"But what can I do? You already made your selfish decision... it's not like I can do anything about it." I said bitterly.
"Just know this," I mentioned taking a few steps closer to them, "with every happy moment you both enjoy, remember that it was through betraying a person that was once your friend." I looked at them deadpan in the eyes.
"I hope you can both live with that." I muttered bitterly.
The look I gave them was enough to fill the empty gap of the unfinished conversation. I turned and stepped out of the suffocating atmosphere.
I continued to walk aimlessly without a thought for anything. It seems my feet brought me to the exclusive park in our neighborhood. The sun isn't still up that's why this park has no people. There was only me who was looking quite pathetic.
I sat beneath my favorite place — an oak tree. I hugged myself as I can finally cry silently. The truth is, it wasn't Jinyoung that hurt me the most. It's Tzuyu.
Sure, our personalities aren't completely truthful in front of the public but bits of us are there. Our group knows how each one is like in front of the camera and inside our house.
Our group's friendship is real. They were the ones that gain my full trust in this industry. That's why I still can't comprehend what I just witnessed back then. I still don't understand how the uptight and guarded me could get caught in this situation. Who would've thought that our innocent Tzuyu would do this? Maybe, I actually don't know her at all after the years we spent. I should've noticed the signs before.
I poured out everything I bottled up this morning as it will be the first and last time I'll let them affect me.
After everything, I went through for the past 10 years in this industry, this is the last straw.
I wiped the tears on my face and stood up realizing something that I should've realized sooner.
