Repentance

What Time Heals and What It Doesn't

It must have been a nightmare, or a cruel practical joke. One that made you want to cry and laugh at yourself at the same time.

You thought they died. But then again, Ghost, this kingdom, you; all of you survived so it wasn't far-fetched they did, too. Although, a part of you wished they didn't. Just so you didn't have to face the past. Shame flooded your core at the thought. The vessel were nothing like they used to be. There was so much emotion in those once empty eyes, so much emotion in the way they shook in a silent laugh, in the way they leaned against the White Lady, chasing after every bit of attention they could get.

They both froze upon noticing your arrival. Their gaze was much less intense than their siblings, yet still alarmed. You stepped towards them and they flinched. Of course.

You had to swallow down a sob. "I- I think I should leave." You didn't wait for a response, rushing to climb up the narrow entrance. But a hand tugged your cape, pulling you down gently.

"Welcome back, (Y/N)." The White Lady smiled sympathetically.

The Pure Vessel- no, not anymore. The Hollow Knight gestured towards a spot on the ground. They sat down and patted the earth beside them.

Your limbs felt glued together, so stiff they would snap at the slightest movement, but you managed to sit down. There was still a significant distance put between you two. The silence persisted for a while, with you staring at your hands, the vessel staring at anything that wasn't you and the White Lady... Well, she was spared the trouble of avoiding eye contact.

The tension in the tiny chamber was becoming unbearable. "How is Hallownest fairing?"

The immense, pure gratefulness you felt towards the White Lady couldn't be measured by mortal units. It was the perfect change of topic you needed. But the relief was dampened by guilt. You should apologize; grovel at the vessel's feet and ask for forgiveness, another chance that you don't deserve. Yet Ghost acted like nothing happened. The Hollow Knight tried to as well. They didn't attempt to kill you, even though they saw you end their siblings time after time. Glancing at them, you noticed them drawing letters into the dirt before quickly wiping them off. They were trying to find something to say. They were trying to move on and you didn't want to pull them back into the past's clutches which held onto you like chains. If everyone was acting like everything was normal then you should too, right?

Taking a deep breath, you summoned the happy memories of the day. You recounted how Ghost helped the small merchant, how chaotic the Grimm Troupe was, the liveliness of the persistent Dirtmouth, flourishing despite all it's been through, the untarnished beauty of the City of Tears. You didn't miss how the knight tensed whenever your speech got too passionate. It sent a twinge down your heart, but you continued. A smile crept into your face as you told the queen about Ghost's kind offer. The knight rolled their head to the side, and it almost seemed like they would be rolling their eyes if they could. You arched a brow at their behavior.

The knight hastily scrawled something on the ground. You leaned forward to read it and they backed off a little.

"That little squib feels the need to show just how much geo they have at every passing opportunity."

You never looked at it from this angle. You blinked before erupting into a fit of giggles.

"What's so humorous that it got you to laugh so, my (Y/N)?" The queen's words were shaky, barely concealing her own laughter.

The vessel got up and traced something onto the queen's roots. "Don't talk like that about your sibling!" There was no heat to her words, only amusement.

You didn't want to ruin the light atmosphere, but you remembered something important. "If you'll excuse me, my lady. I have left my belongings outside and I wish to retrieve them."

The White Lady dismissed you, still occupied with her child. You hurried out to grab your belongings. The bag was light, filled with very few things, yet you hesitated. Bringing it inside and tucking the items it contained neatly would only cement your fate and tie you down into this lonely chamber. You already told the queen about it, so you couldn't leave them outside to re-discuss your living conditions with Hornet. Sighing, you carried the bags inside.

The vessel was settled in the queen's lap. You couldn't tell if they were asleep; they were unable to close their eyes. You didn't have to wonder for long, because they startled, falling out of the lady's embrace. Their long cape was swept aside in the process, revealing their body.

You let out a sharp gasp, covering your mouth to stop a scream from ripping out your throat. Your belongings clinked against the ground as you let the bags fall. Deep scars dug into and jutted out of their shell. It was jagged, bloated and bubbling in some areas, some barely covered flesh peeking out from underneath, singed with a rotten orange. You almost couldn't take your eyes off of the mangled mess, but you did. One of their arms was missing.

The knight stared at you, just as in shock as you were. Then in one sweep they covered their mutilated body.

They saw you quivering, eyes wide open and leaking bitter tears. They wanted to comfort you, to tell you it's not your fault. They knew it wasn't you; it was her. The knight looked up to you, how you did your duty with so much conviction and they wanted to be like that. Even after all you've done. Even after they came to realize the severity of their father's decision. They kept pretending because they wanted to help, just like you did. And because they were terrified they would meet the same fate as their siblings; death at your hands. The bitter truth was, they were still afraid. Despite wanting to hug you, wipe your tears off, they couldn't. But they didn't mean to flinch at your every movement. You were so weak, so frail with no trace of the heartless executioner you once were. They knew you couldn't hurt them; wouldn't hurt them.

Yet they remained frozen.

The White Lady didn't see what happened, but she could feel it in the air. She sensed the tremors running inside her child's body, felt them keen and call out to her. She wanted to do something, but she knew she wasn't as powerful as she liked to believe she was. Some wounds only time could heal, some even time couldn't.

The silence felt too sacred, too fragile to break. She did't say anything, only extended some of her free roots, wrapping around the knight's leg in a meek attempt at comfort. This snapped them out of their stupor.

You were standing still, head dangled low, not daring to tear your gaze off the ground lest you see their deformed body. Even then, the image remained burned into your eyes. You imagined them chained in the temple, the infection eating at them little by little. You heard them scream in agony despite having no voice.

A metal box was thrust into your field of vision. Looking up you, you saw the endless void staring back at you, threatening to drown you. But then it was soft, compassionate and you wanted to throw yourself into it. The knight grabbed your hands with their shaking ones, putting the box in them and pushing your fingers around it.

They picked up your bag and started gathering your spilled belongings. You came back to your senses, quickly sweeping down to help them. Once the bag was full, they handed it to you. You took it with shaking hands, almost dropping it again. The vessel's hand hovered for a bit above your head before coming down in gentle pats. You backed away at first, but then stilled accepting the comfort.

The vessel left after that. You needed some time alone.

You let your tears dry by themselves. You were still holding your bag in one hand and the metal box in the other. It was a music box, a gift from a family member, although, you couldn't quite remember who. It was broken long ago. You didn't know why you brought it, really. Still, it's cool surface felt nice against your shell.

Your eyes were becoming heavy with exhaustion. Crying had only tired you out further. It was too much, the wind beating against the leaves, the buzzing of the Aluba, the voices whispering in your head all at once. It was too much.

Sleeping didn't sound like such a bad idea, now.

You pulled a sheet out of your bag and tucked yourself beside a wall, music box still clutched tightly in your hand. You tried to remember the melody it played but to no avail. Before you knew it, you were back in the dream world. Out from one nightmare and into the other.