"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please forgive me, I-i-i need help, help!" my throat feels raw from screaming so much.
I am a mess. I know there is nothing there but the thought just scares me to no end. Tears stain my face and my ears are ringing.
I wake up to find myself laying on the kitchen floor. I know I reek of weed, and I can still smell the cinnamon buns that I remember cooking earlier. I check the clock.
3:00 a.m. I have school in 4 hours. I get up, not even bothering to change my clothes and go to my bedroom to sleep.
I lay awake staring at the ceiling. I cannot live my life this way. I'm insane, crazy, and I need help.
I think of the dream I had. It was of me and Grace. It was when I found her next to my parents last night. Brains spilt, blood coating every inch of the kitchen floor.
I feel myself drifting off to sleep. The memories still clinging to my mind.
My suffering is sempiternal
It never ends.
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"Phoenix Woolf please report to the guidance office, Phoenix Woolf, Please report to the guidance office"
I look up from my desk in which I have been staring at for 20 minutes of class.
I get up stare at my teacher, he nods his head, and I leave.
I knock on the door to the guidance office. I stand there until someone opens it.
Instead of being met with Mrs.Frantil's perky smile and bright eyes, I'm met with the eyes of what it looks like , a college student. He had light blonde hair that almost looks white, green eyes, and a nice welcoming smile.
"Hi I'm Ronan, I'm just in here to mentor Mrs. Frantil, because I am interested in having this profession when I get out of college."
Good for you dude, I don't give a fuck.
I stare at him for a couple of seconds, then I shrug past him into Mrs. Frantil's office.
When I enter the room Mrs. Frantil is doing some paperwork on her desk.
"You wanted to see me?" I say almost inaudiblly.
"Ahhhhh yes, I received a note from your English teacher Mr. Ramon. He said that he was concerned about your health and well-being, and wanted me to talk to you."
"Well, I don't understand why he would be concerned about me, I barely talk in that class." I mutter.
"He told me you said, you wanted to kill yourself" she said a little more serious than her usual tone of voice
"Well he is wrong, I don't know where he received that information from and I am not to pleased with the fact that he made that assumption, I'm quit upset actually" I say a little louder to get my point across.
Ronan is taking notes and watching me like a hawk. I think he knows I am lying.
"Oh, and Mrs. Frantil, I was previously informed that the information that I give you does not leave this room and you also said it was for your ears only,then why is this..guy.. in here?" I question her.
" Phoenix, this is Ronan Hill, he is here to mentor my work and ask me question about what I do, do not worry I informed Mr. Hill to not take notes on the situation but merely how I handle and deal with it. So do not worry this information is still safe with me"
"Well good. Can I leave now?"
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I decided that I was done with school for the day, so I left.
"
Paid that money, fake that dummy, ache my tummy
On the fence, all the time
Paid junk honey, face so sunny, ain't that funny
All my friends always lie to me
I know they're thinking
You're too mean, I don't like you, fuck you anyway
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs
It hurts but I won't fight you
You suck anyway
You make me wanna die, right when I
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me
Keep on dreaming, don't stop breathing, fight those demons
Sell your soul, not your whole self
If they see you when you're sleeping, make them leave it
And I can't even see if it's all there anymore"
I blow the smoke out the window of my Ashton Martin that my parents left for me.
I don't deserve to drive this car, to own their house.
Again I remember my parents bloody body next to Grace.
My parents, they took my parents, and it was all my fault. I hate myself. I want to end this life that I live.
If I wanted to kill myself I would have. There is a reason I'm keeping myself alive.
My parents worked thier asses off so I could have the life anyone could wish for, plus more. Why the fuck would I just waste that. Throw all my parents work down the drain, of they were alive right now they would probably never forgive me for even considering this. They were the most genuine, amazing people I knew.
I remember how my father's eyes lit up when me and him used to bond over the stupidest things. I remember how we used to get oil and dirt all over our selfs after fixing up and cleaning the Ashton Martin. I remember how my mom used to throw towels at us when we came in the house dirty as ever. I remember everything. I Remember how they used to smile at each other and give sneak kisses in while they cook. I would never forget these memories. They last for ever.
As I drive down the beach side while smoking my cigarette and watching people gawk at my car, I think what if I had died with them? Would I rather that. I don't know the answer to that question yet.
I park at one of my favorite places. Geo's ice cream and water ice. When Grace and I used to come here, everyone was friendly and welcoming now it's flooded with annoying teen that think they are the shit. God I hate that, This place used to have friendly old people and middle-aged couples but now it's ruined.
My mind began to become a swirling mess off thoughts that I began to lose focus. The only thing that brought me out of this haze was seeing Ronan walking into Geo's
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A/N THATS RONAN UP THERE!!
HOW IS THE STORY SO FAR?!?!?!?!??!
