"You terrify me
Cause you're a man- you're not a boy
You've got some power
And I can't treat you like a toy
The road less...Traveled by a little girl
You disregard the mess
While I try to control the world
Don't leave me
Stay here and frighten me
Don't leave me
Come now enlighten me
Give me all you got
Give me your wallet and your watch
Give me your first born
Give me the rainbow and the-
So go on and challenge me
Take the reigns and the seat
Watch me squirm baby
But you are just what I need
And I've never played a fair game
I've always had the upper hand
But what good is intellect and nerve if
I can't respect any man
Yeah I want to play a fair game
Yeah I want to play a fair game"
Sia plays on a low volume through my speakers while I sit on the couch smoking a cigarette. Staring into space. Doing nothing.
My thoughts are racing so hard. I want more pain to my body I want to feel more pain. Not just stupid burns.
I want to relapse. I want to relapse so hard. I want to re-open my wrists and feel my blood flow. I want relief. I promised Grace I wouldn't relapse.
But Grace is dead
Grace. Is. Dead. Dead. I'm never going to see her again. Tears start springing to my eyes.
Grace was my first love. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. We fell so deeply in love that nothing could tear us apart. But now she is dead.
Her smile was so delicate. So beautiful. I remember when I used to play with her hair and she would laugh and squirm. I remember when we used to go for runs in the park but end up in the forest exploring.
I want to feel her body again. I want to love her again. But, I cannot. It's quite difficult for me to grasp the fact that I can never hold her again.
I hope life does work out and gives me someone to love soon.
I decide not to hurt myself tonight. Hurting myself will not bring my parents back, or Grace. Hurting myself will get me no where. If that isn't progress I don't know what is.
Instead of thinking about Grace, I think about Ronan. A small smile starts to appear on my face.
Oh, now I'm smiling. Better not get too excited buddy.
My mind wipes the smile right off my face.
Ronan's Pov
"But Daaaddd!!! all the other kids do it, why can't I?"
"Logan, if all the other kids decided to jump off a bridge, would you also jump off the bridge?" I question him.
"You know what dad, I would!"
"Logan you are seven stop being rude to your father." I tell him straight up.
"Ugh whatever I think I want cheez-its"
With that he walks away from me. Logan used to be the cutest little guy I have ever seen and now he is at that demon stage.
The
Demon
Stage
It's every parents nightmare. So much screaming, defiance, and don't forget the lying. Can't he just turn 20 already. I wish his mom was here to help, but she is in no stage to take care of a child. I knocked her up at a young age, and we basically ruined our lives. I still manage to maintain a pretty good job and college though.
No one would ever guess I had a child. The story of how Logan came to be was actually kind of cliché. I was drunk and she was horny, I put my thingy in the hole and bam! Another human arrives. Logan's mom wasn't fit for having a child. We promised that I take care of him and we part ways and never meet again. I haven't seen her in years, and frankly I don't care. Logan is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
"Hey dad" I hear a voice beside me
"Yes little man"
"I love you" He whispers
"I love you more son." And I meant that. I love Logan more than anything in the world and I would give up anything just so he could have the best. With that we both fall asleep on the couch.
Phoenix Pov
I bite into my pizza and stare at the clock. It reads 2:30 am. I remember when my mom bought that clock, I was with her. We were walking around a consignment shop and she found the clock and fell in love with it. It was her prized possession.
"Phoenix look! We gave to get it! We have to buy that! Oh my it's just so beautiful"
Her loving voice plays in the back of my mind. God I miss her. I miss her so much. I would do anything to get all of them back. Grace and my mom were the two most important women in my life. Me and my father protected them from anything that could harm them. When we found out that there were bloodthirsty criminals on the loose, we never kept our eyes off of them. Until that one day. These men took everything away from me all at once. Everything that mattered.
I used to have friends. I used to be quite popular in school. After the accident, I stopped talking. Of course they tried and helped me but I didn't take it, I didn't want it. I wanted to be by myself. Now all I get are blank stares.
Funny how things can change in the matter of hours.
_____________________
A/N
I suggest you reread if you already read this chapter. Anywhore, enjoy I guess. This isn't edited but I'll edit later.
