I'm getting worse. The bags under my eyes are becoming more noticeable. Do I care, not really. I ignore the fact that everything is not ok and continue on with my boring day.
Sadness can't be permanent right. I hope not because I hate feeling this way. If I put myself into this depression, I can pull myself out.
I fall into a haze. I stare at the wall, nothing but the the wall. The wall my parents blood was spilled on. The wall Grace's blood was spilled on. I remember everything, I remember.
Flashback:
"I love you so much baby, I will never leave you, I promise" I stare deeply into her eyes.
My parents laughter can be heard in the background.
"Hunny can you run to the store really quickly, I need some more tomatoes" my mom shouted from the kitchen.
I get up, and tell Grace to stay there.
"I will be right back ok I love you babe" I tell her with a kiss.
"Alright Phoenix, be careful remember those guys the news was talking about"
I walk out get in the car and leave.
End of flashback
I fucking left. Just like I do with everything else. I just left. I'm pathetic, I'm so fucking pathetic.
I shake out if my haze. George is already gone probably realizing that his owner is not fucking normal.
I get out my phone and scroll through instagram. Since I don't follow anyone from school my feed mostly consists of text posts and artsy shit that I enjoy looking at.
I want a cigarette, no I want to light a fucking blunt. I know this may be stupid but I'm not going to do any, I'm going to vape like a fucking loser.
I get up and find my vape pen. I put in the strawberry flavored syrup, which is my favorite and begin "vaping." I blow rings and do stupid tricks with my stupid vape pen.
Stupid
Stupid
Stupid.
I turn on spongebob and sit in front of my tv. Legs wide open holding my stupid vape pen. I'm still shirtless. I hear a knock at the door and get up.
Ronan pov:
I pace back and forth by his front door. What the fuck am I doing. He's going to think I'm stalking him. I finally gain the courage to knock on his door.
He opens the door and I'm faced with his bare chest. He smells like strawberries. What the fuck. Is he watching spongebob. What. This dude is so fucking weird.
He gives me a questioning look. I was basically staring at him for a full minute after he opened the door.
I finally open my mouth. "Umm, heyy" are the words I spit out.
"Hi, how did you find where I lived?" He says while staring at me.
"I saw your dog chilling outside while I was around and I kind of guessed it was your house"
"O ok um, do you want to come In?"
"Yea sure"
I walk into his house. It smells like an odd mixture of strawberries, cigarettes, and cinnamon . I kind of like it. Is that weird. Yes this is weird. Holy crap this is weird. What am I doing.
"Do you want something to drink" his deep voice interrupts my inner panic.
"No it's cool I'm fine thanks" I spit out.
"Well, what brings you here?" He stares at me with questioning eyes.
"Well you said you would call me or text me and I was kind of worried about you"
I stare at his chest and notice small burn marks going up and down his torso. He follows my gaze and realize what I'm staring at. He puts on a long sleeved shirt.
We talked for about and hour and I learn he live alone. We talk about pointless stuff until I realize I have to pick up Logan from the babysitter. I tell him I have to leave and get up and go.
As I'm walking out I notice a bad ass car sitting in his drive way. His dog is no longer outside. I admire the flowers he has planted along the front of his home. He keeps his house pretty clean for a highschooler. That's odd.
--------------------------
A/N
That's Phoenix up there. Yes he plays young Leo.
This was kind of a filler I guess. Idk anyways have a nice day.
