Married to the Heartless Billionaire

21: Baggage

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didn't mean to make this chapter a therapy sesh sorry :(
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I wished I didn't have baggage.

I wished I didn't have to worry about being publicly shamed. I wished I didn't have to worry about whether my sister was going to have a meal, while I ate plenty. I wished I didn't have rules, I wished that I ran a long time ago. I wished I could tell someone, every little issue bugging me.

And as I watched Nolan play on the field with the little boys, I wished he could be that person, I wanted him to be.

But at the end of the day I couldn't be that person that he wanted me to be, he had introduced me to his whole world, his family, his friends and I had no one and nothing that I was proud of.

I frantically paced the small garden surrounded by grape bushes, my fingers curled in my hand feeling almost numb. I ran my hands along the soft white stone that outlined statues of Greek gods and goddesses.

"Hey you okay?", a male, older voice said from the vineyards as I looked out at Alison and Clay talking a walk through the vines of grapes.

"Yes, just nervous, I guess", I grabbed at my hands in attempt to squeeze my finger in despair.

"Here come take a walk with me", Clay said as Alison rushed back to the house. I took his arm trying to find comfort in the scene.

"I just wanted to tell you that life has its mysterious ways of making everything right", he said as if he read my mind. Everything was crashing around me for a while and I was just starting to feel it.

"We as human tend to overthink decisions and contemplate our choices far more than need be, my advice is that once you realize something's special don't let it get away", he said as I took his words and compared it to my situation.

"I'm scared that there's no hope and that he won't feel the same way", I told him as Clay picked up that I was talking about Nolan.

"You remind me of Alison, strong and bold. Nolan and I are somewhat similar, well very similar to how we act around women.", he explained and I thought back to the moment at the treehouse, when he told me he was afraid.

"I was actually married young around your age and I had been married three times and divorced three times. I fell in love so fast, that I never could make it work. And after I stopped putting my heart out on my sleeve, I had no luck with finding love and then one night I ended up meeting Alison at a bar, she was out with her friends and I couldn't stand her at first. She was uptight, but feisty and I was very very scared of her. I had always been the one to do the intimidating and to make the other person feel like I had the upper hand, but she made me feel all that and I pushed her far, because I was afraid, but I'm thankful everyday that she pulled back, she pushed to get closer to me and then once she stopped pushing I was broken and I tried tracking her down, until I got a handwritten invitation to her wedding, and so I overcame my fear and asked her and that was the best thing I've ever done in my whole entire life", my tears welled up as he told the story. I now knew why Nolan the love his parents had, it was eternal, everlasting and beautiful.

"Nolan had a serious girlfriend, they were ready to tie the knot. Nolan knew she didn't love him as much as he loved her, and he held on until it ate at him. He found out she was cheating on him and was with him for the wrong reasons, so he closed himself off from love and all relationships, he's a good guy and I know you're probably so sick of hearing that, but he is, he just loved her too much. He became afraid and like father, like son he pushed you away, but push back, because I promise it's worth it", he said making me open my eyes to understand that he thought I was going to be like her.