Married to the Heartless Billionaire

52: How to Face My Demons

Days passed of me worrying, imagining every second of the terror that fills me, I had never had a week to process everything before it even happened. The shivers that felt me up in the wrong way, my hands shivered as I pulled for the comforter on a hot sunny night. Sweat built up on my forehead as I tried closing my eyes, I just wanted sleep but all that roamed my mind was how much it would burn, how much it would hurt.

I turned to the side as I felt a hand creep up to my side as I swatted it away. Nolan was fast asleep luckily. I opened my eyes widely and went to the kitchen, I couldn't face the darkness anymore. I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and poured myself a glass of cold water, to wake me up. The clock read 5:00 am as I wiped my head furiously. I needed something to cool my mind, I crept back into the bedroom and changed into some leggings and a tank top, I wrote a note on the desk and took off on a run, just to feel better to feel clear.

The wind brushed my hair as I pushed forward, as I passed a mother holding her two children as they watched the morning ferries arrive. I grabbed my phone and saw messages from Nolan, I tucked my phone back in and continued on the search to find what would make me feel better and to save my fingernails, which had been gnawed off in my agony.

The sun glistened as I headed back to the penthouse, I hadn't figured out how to face my demons, I had cleared my mind in an act of desperation.

"Where the hell have you been?", I took the wired earbuds out of my ear as I saw Claire standing nearby and she was quickly dismissed and rushed out the door. I untied my shoes as he waited for an answer, with his hands thrown in a fit and a confused feeling lingering around him.

"I wrote you a note", I told him as I took off the sweaty socks that stuck against my feet. He blocked me off as I went to the kitchen, his breathing hitched as his hands glided against me and I moved out of the way.

"A note. Are you serious? You said 'Running in Seattle' not so much of a note, I have had my people combing the streets for you, you didn't answer my calls or texts", he rambled on as I knew I had done him dirty. This was hurting him as much as me.

"I'm sorry", I spoke of little words, hushed and slouched with a glass of cold water in my hand trying to ignore his steady glance.

"Why'd you go running, you never used to run, is something going on?", he asked the question I was afraid of, why. Why, was something that scared me to pieces.

"I'm fine, I just had to clear my head?", I told him as he moved closer and held my hand softly, but it was just enough pressure to know that he was there.

"Are we okay?", he asked me as he played with the ring sitting on my ring finger as he slid it up and down, loosely. His finger brushed up against the gold band as I looked away.

"Yes", I told him, wanting him to know it was the truth, I just needed that day I dreaded to come. He kissed my forehead and went to wake up Leah. I stepped outside as the waves brushed against me softly, the skyline enhanced the view surrounded by trees of luscious green.

I went back inside as Leah sat at the table dragging her blanket behind her as Nolan fried an egg. The sweet girl came up and hugged me softly as her hair brushed against my shoulder as I reached down.

"I get to see my mommy, today", she said as she sounded so ecstatic, so excited to see a person who was with her through everything. A tear slipped from my eye as I kissed her forehead and went to the bathroom as I felt a rush of overwhelming feelings.

My period had come, and would only make me feel worse through the days. I hadn't had my period all these months, simply because I had been malnourished. I ate food when I needed too, it may have been scraped from the restaurant or a dish that was sent back. I missed that touch of womanhood, but not the cramps, nausea, and fatigue that came with it.