Moonlight (c.m.)

ch. 18

Chris wakes up before you, but he just holds you while you sleep. He wanted you to be rested, knowing how last night went. You were facing him, and you looked peaceful. It makes Chris happy to know that you feel safe with him, regardless of all the shit going on in your head. The shirt you were wearing had ridden up your torso, so your legs and hips could be seen. He traces his finger over the bruises he left on you and then down the tattoo on your leg. He still feels bad about how he lost control last night, but he didn't want to say anything else and make you upset. You hadn't realized yet, and neither has Chris, but Chris was falling hard. He knew he didn't want to be with anyone else, you were the only person he cared about the most. He didn't want to trip up and say the L-word, because he knew that would only push you further away, and he was scared. He didn't want a repeat of the past. He was still uncertain on the whole concept, what happened last night made him uneasy and nervous for the future. Would you leave him to save yourself? Would you realize that you deserve better? His thoughts are interrupted when he feels you stretch and groan. He smiles.

"Good morning, beautiful." He moves a few strands of hair out of your face as you open your eyes. You smile weakly at him. You didn't fall asleep quickly last night, you were awake but you were just laying there. You didn't want Chris to worry about you. You heard what he said, and it made you think.

"Good morning." You whisper and rest your hand on his cheek. You sit up and wince, your body was so sore. Chris watches you, and still feels horrible.

"Damn, you really broke my body last night, huh?" You smirk at him. He shakes his head.

"I'm still sorry about my lack of control, I should have asked you." He mumbles, running his fingers through his hair.

"Please don't feel bad, I uh.... Really enjoyed.... How you.... How it... happened?" You blush and cover your face, suddenly feeling self conscious. He chuckles and moves your hands.

"I'll keep that in mind for next time. Only next time I'll only go as far as you want me to." He winks and pulls you on top of him, so you're straddling him. You wrap your arms around his neck and rest your forehead on his.

"So I was thinking.. I heard what you said last night. Did you... really mean it?" You whisper, looking at him. His eyes widen, he thought you were asleep.

"I thought you were asleep, but yes, I did mean what I said. I care about you so much (y/n), it fucking hurts when you push me away. I don't want to be with anyone else, as long as you'll keep me, I'll stay here by your side." He sighs, wrapping his arms around your waist. You tear up a little.

"Sorry, it's still a crazy concept to me that someone could care about me as much as you do, this is so new to me. I'm sorry I push you away, there's just a lot of shit that's happened in the past and it scares me to think I could relive it." You caress his cheek with your thumb, you loved moments like this, when everything was soft and gentle, just surrounded with comfort and love.

"I know, and I'm the same way. But you're different, (y/n). I could tell you were different the day we met. I know you invest yourself so much into the person you care about, and I'll try my best not to take that for granted." He rubs circles in your lower back. You feel like now is as good a time as ever, so you open up completely.

"I feel like I should tell you why I am the way I am... Devin was right when he said I was really naive and sensitive, and people took that for granted... a lot. Not just in romantic relationships, friends also took advantage of how nice of a person I was." You start, grabbing his hands and holding them. Chris listens attentively as you explain your history, of all the times you've ever thought you were in love, of all the times you've been hurt and taken advantage of, of all the times you've hurt others and done a few shitty things, everything. You completely tear down all of your walls for Chris. You were shaking, because it still scared you, but he just held your hands and listened.