Moonlight (c.m.)

ch. 17

You finished the shower with Chris and were both currently in the living room on the couch, watching the movie. You were laying on his chest, and he was brushing his fingers through your hair. You had fallen asleep, but you were twitching. Chris looks down at you. He sees your face scrunched up in distress and sits up a little when he feels you trembling.

"(y/n)? Wake up, love." He brushes his thumb across your cheek and you bolt up, screaming. You push away from Chris and fall on the floor in the process.

"Don't touch me, you freak!" You scream. You were having a nightmare, but more like a night terror. Chris sits up completely, concern on his face. You burst into tears and Chris sits in silence, he doesn't know what to do. You finally pull yourself out of the dream and look around, still trembling. You were reliving the night you were attacked.

"A-are you okay?" Chris asks, watching you the whole time. He had never experienced anything like this, he was a little scared. You were still breathing heavily and quickly, almost hyperventilating. You shake your head and he moves to sit behind you and wraps his arms around you carefully.

"Breathe with me, calm down. I'm here, you're safe." He whispers in your ear, and you try to slow your breathing. You lean back against him, closing your eyes, and you eventually stop shaking. He kept whispering 'you're safe', and 'it's okay'. He softly kisses your shoulder and looks around at your face.

"I'm sorry." You finally croak, opening your eyes. You lean up and rest your arms and head on your knees. He rubs your back, and starts to massage your shoulders, as you were still tense.

"Don't apologize, (y/n). It's not your fault. Hey, look at me." He replies, and you turn around to face him. He grabs your hands and holds them to his lips, warming them as they were cold.

"Was it about what happened in the alley?" He tries to meet your gaze, but you're still staring at your hands. You nod, staying silent. He stands up and pulls you up with him. You wrap your arms around his torso and rest your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was fast, because he was still processing what just happened.

"Thank you, I'm sorry you had to deal with that..." Your voice drifts off. He tilts your chin up gently and you finally meet his eyes. They were full of concern, but also care.

"It's okay, baby. I'm here for you." He kisses your forehead, and his heart hurts. He felt horrible that you were dealing with so much pain, and he didn't know the half of it. You step away and turn around, filled with shame.

"You shouldn't have to put up with me. I hate making you live my pain with me, you don't deserve that.. It just hurts, how much someone who used to mean something to you can completely tear down and shatter your entire well being. Completely ruin your life. That's how it's always been, just a vicious fucking cycle of me investing too much in a person and losing part of me every time they leave. I don't want to feel that pain again, even now it's almost too much to handle.." You confess. You have your back to him and you wrap your arms around yourself, staring blankly at his wall. You'd do anything to feel something other than the void. Or at least to stop thinking about it. Chris steps closer and rests his hands on your waist.

"I'd suffer forever to absolve all your pain, if I could. I wish I could take it from you and suffer so you don't have to. It kills me to see you this way." His voice is wavering, he didn't know if you were going to leave to save yourself or not. You start to panic, the thought of another serious commitment that could end in heartbreak scared you. Your defense was up and you weren't thinking rationally, you were letting your doubt speak for you.

"Please don't get too close to me, I'm doomed to either hurt or be hurt, and I don't want to make that decision.." You were terrified out of your mind, you don't know if you could handle losing Chris, but you also don't want to hurt him. Chris just looks at you, unsure of what to say.