How to choose the one

Triangle style

As Jax puts me through the motions, I literally sweat out my unease for the situation with Bayne this morning. I'm now not even sure why I was feeling so funny about it all. So what? I maybe, sort of, liked him and he maybe, sort of, kissed me. So? Yes, He was there with someone else. And? He is free to do whatever he likes. As am I. Which is why I am going to take Jax up on his invitation to see some friends of his playing a gig tonight.

But just as I high five myself in my mind for my girl power vibes, I feel the little piece of myself that was interested in Bayne peeking through the wall I'm building up fast. Block by block, I'm shutting people out again. Or maybe just shutting Bayne out.

Or myself. I'm so tragic.

If I admit it, the best part about getting to know Bayne a little was starting to break that wall down a smidge. Trust in myself. Live a little of the life I travelled across the world for. Be my version of loose. Ish.

Well, maybe not loose but definitely more fun.

Try out the no plan- plan. Or, the half- plan plan. I can't commit to having no plan. That's just not ever going to be me.

So, as I hear myself agreeing to tonight between puffs of hard earned air on the treadmill test, I'm equal parts proud of myself and nervous.

I need a contingency here. A back up. As Candice walks by, Bayne in tow, I see the perfect opportunity pop into place.

"Candice, what are you up to tonight?" I breathe out in gasps as the timer beeps and Jax high fives me for reaching the assigned distance and then some. I'm killing it.

"No plans, why?" She asks, covered in a glistening sweat but still looking like a pin up model.

"Jax has some friends playing in a band tonight and thought I may like to tag along, you in?" I say, playing it cool and only barely registering Bayne's brow raise as I mention it.

"Yes! Yes yes yes!" She says and winks at me as she skips off to her final test.

She stops, flicking her hair over her shoulder with annoyance written all over her shiny face.

"Come on then." She sasses Bayne and he shoots a quick glare at Jax, who clears his throat, then makes a reluctant move to follow Candice to the weight benches, pouting all the way.

"What was that about?" I question Jax as I reach for my water bottle and he writes in my results on the paperwork.

"What, Bayne?" He asks, but he already knows that's exactly what I mean and by the look on his face, he is pretty pleased with himself.

"Oh, I expect he is pissed I asked you out tonight. That's all." He chuckles to himself and nods in the direction of the weight benches.

"It does him good to be taken down a notch now and then." He continues, shaking his head with a slight laugh as we walk together and I can't help but scoff at what he just admitted.

"Oh, I get it. This is some sick competition between you is it? Using me much?" I quip but I don't actually believe he is like that for a second.

He quickly changes his tune.

"Shit, no Ellis. Not at all. It's just, I don't always agree with his.... ethics." He whispers the last word, spitting it out like its a bad taste in his mouth.

"Ok....?" I say quizzically but he gives nothing away.

"Right. Let's lift." He says as he loads the squat rack, back to business it seems. He changes the subject almost as fast as I just ran.

I start my reps as I study his face. An indescribable look ever so slightly crosses in his eyes as he shares a frown session with Bayne, back and forward across the racks. I watch them, amused, in the mirror as I go through the motions with each increasing weight. They are saying so much without even a word between them. There is something amiss here.