How to choose the one

Start at the end

Bayne Point of view: And a pic of the naughty boy himself.....!

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

I am such a fucking idiot.

I knew from the second I saw Ellis that she was different. Special. Out of everyone's league in a way I can't even explain. But especially mine.

She is the one that they always write about, the great poet old guys of the past. The guys who knew how to lay a line with style. They wrote about the one. The one with real gumption. The one with sass. The one that changes the game. The one that makes time stop, slow down and go faster all at once.

That's Ellis for me. Not my girlfriend of three years. Ellis. I know it's wrong. I know I shouldnt have wanted her. Want her. But I do. More so now.

I tried. Fuck did I try to stay away from her. I tried to push Jax on her. And got jealous about it, but I literally put myself through hell, just to keep her away from me. But everywhere I went, there she was. Sweet and sassy and gorgeous.

She is everything I want but nothing I should have.

How the fuck did I get in this mess.

God. If she finds out about Megan before I can explain it to her, she will hate me. And then there are the other times I have slipped and landed in bed with someone. What if she hears about those? About the real me. The dog. The guy everyone gets warned about.

I swear that is not who I actually am. Or who I mean to be.

Maybe I deserve her to find out. At least then I can't hurt her anymore.

I haven't ever felt anything before her. All those other times were out of need and lust. And loneliness Because Megan is never here. One too many drinks and I'm in someone's bed, taking out my needs on some cute, unsuspecting, not -local booster groupie who just wants some fun with a rival team member.

It's come close a few times, where I have slipped and been with someone local, but I put a stop to that real fast. Let them know it was a one time deal. Push them into one of the other guys.

Some of them have even known about Megan and didn't care. Those I both despise and adore. Because then I can keep them on the line for a while.

You see? I'm disgusting. But it's been so easy in the past. And the guilt only hurts for a while. I just promise myself every time it happens, it's the last time. Until it isn't. Fucking Megan had to leave. She had to put everything else before us.

By it's not her fault. Not really. Not even a little.

God. When did I become this? The cliche of all jocks. The jerk who hurts girls. It's not really who i am and yet, here I am, cheating on my girlfriend again, with the girl I wish was my girlfriend.

Fuck. That's not even a lie.

Leaving her after we were together almost broke me. I had to, or else I would have run into someone and they would have judged her, for being with me and I can't do that to her. She is too nice. Too innocent.

Way too good for me.

Too pure for my shitty excuses. I can't even offer her anything other than what we have now.

As I wander aimlessly about the campus, hoping I don't run into anyone, I continue to punish myself internally. I don't know what to do now. I need to talk to Ellis, come clean about everything. But I'm not ready to see the look on her face when I tell her how much of an ass I am.