Creating Haven

Ch 9: The self-respect left in me

Aplomb.

You know what that means?

It means self respect. One of the only thing left in me.

There's a fine line between arrogance and self respect. I made sure that I never cross that line, because arrogance is dangerous.

Now that I look at my mom hanging her purse, all ready in her white suite with a black shirt inside, her hair properly done, her makeup on point, her heels matching her shirt, I realise the self respect my mom carries.

The way she got herself back in less than a week, is kind of impressive. She was broken and done with dad and yet she is getting back to her business, back to her earlier self, the 'no shit taken', insensitive self.

I don't know if I should be sad or proud of her. I'm happy to see her getting back with her life. But it's a life that is not compatible to me. That I hate.

I sigh and pick up my bag, walking out behind her and making my way to my car.

"Sia."

I turned around and looked at my mom staring me out with those stone coloured eyes.

"I don't want to get another call from your teachers. This time you make a mess, I'm gonna send you to Kentucky to your uncle.", she threatened me and I nodded as I got to my car, my heart heavy and paining.

Literally.

My chest was paining.

I studied about it and Google said that it might be because of the sudden change in dosage of my anti depressants.

I know Google is not the best thing to search about these things but trust me, there's no other issue. I'm not dying of heart attack. That pain is certainly different. I hope.

I held on to my chest and sat in my car, taking deep breaths before getting my keys in it. I took the car out of the driveway, and drove slowly, not wanting to die if it was really a heart attack.

When I reached school, I was already 5 minutes late. I walked slowly to my History class, catching my breath everytime I felt a pang in my chest.

Before entering the class, I took one more pill and controlled my breathing.

"You're late Ms. Sia Dien."

I looked at him with my eyes low. I didn't wanted him to know how vulnerable I was at the moment.

"Yeah. There was traffic."

He tilted his head as he kept the book on the table and now faced me completely.

"Is that my fault?"

Did I blame you?

No. I didn't say that. Mom just told me not to get into any problem.

"No.", I said innocently and looked at the people staring at the scene presented to them.

"I'm not even going to waste my energy. Just go and sit on the seat beside Zayden. You're not sitting at the back.", he said and turned back towards the board.

I looked at Zayden as he got his bag off the chair. I sighed before walking over to him.

Out of all the people, it had to be Zayden, right? Amazing! Not.

I sat on the seat before looking at Samantha who was boring holes in me with her jealous look.

"You ok? Your face looks pale."

I looked at Zayden. His eyes showed real concern.

"Why are you concerned about me?"

"Because I'm a nice human...?"