new perspective

xiii. NO ESCAPING THE INEVITABLE

chapter thirteen,

no escaping the inevitable.

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[unedited] 13.

when me and darryl finally departed and i left to go to my house, the front doors were locked. i knocked on the door, tapping my foot impatiently as i waited.

memories of earlier today kept on flashing into my brain. i could find myself zoning out, just thinking about me and him in the car.

he told me he loved me. i said it back, too. we were in love. true love.

i knocked at the door again, my cheeks burning red. "hello?" i called out, groaning when no one responded. i could've used my keys, yes, but if my mother had answered i wouldn't have to actually go and unlock the door. she would do it for me.

i searched my pocket for my keys, grabbing the key chain and finding the correct one to fit the door. it was always tricky for me to be able to tell them apart. they all looked the same, and all acted the same, so weren't they all the same, too?

i (finally) unlocked the door, stepping in my house. i assumed my mother wasn't home, so i didn't call for her. i took off my shoes, placing them on the rack, and walking upstairs. 

i smiled to myself, hearing darryl's words being stitched into my brain. it made me feel like i was young again. where everything meant nothing and nothing was everything. it reminded me of breathing in fresh air, listening to those records in darryl's room. 

as i approached my room, i glanced over to my mother's. her room door was shut, which was unusual because she never closed her door. she always left a crack open for emergencies.

i walked across the hall, listening in to whatever she was doing. what i heard, i would never forget. i wanted to gag, but i held it all in, walking back into my room and slamming the door shut. they have to had heard that.

i placed my jacket on my chair and sat on my bed, staring at my wall. i felt that gagging feeling arise once more, so i covered my mouth and squeezed my eyes shut. i couldn't think of that right now. i had just confessed my love to the most perfect boy i knew.

but still, something had to ruin my perfect day. like it always did. a high is never a high without a low, because without a low, how would you know what a high feels like? what a stupid saying. stupid. everything was stupid. 

i had just confessed my love to darryl. oh god. i've ruined everything. we've ruined everything. 

this was a dead-end. there was no escaping this. i could only hope that my mother was going for a one-time-thing. a hit and run. a one night stand.

i looked out my damn window, at darryl's house. i've fallen for him, he's fallen for me, and the same had happened to our parents. 

i shoved my face into my hands, rubbing my forehead viciously. i went from thinking about darryl non-stop, to begging for those thoughts to come back and take up my mind like it had. 

i pulled a piece of paper and a pencil out from my night table, walking over to my desk and sitting down. i pushed my chair in, letting my hand express my emotions in a single drawing.

it was a person holding a photo filled with hearts, rainbows, and purity, but in their other hand, they held a match that was caught on fire. it was caught onto the photo, ruining the other half. i didn't color it. on the back, i wrote, 'always, zak.' 

while i was shading the photo, my mother opened my door, obviously gathered herself together. not like i had heard two seconds ago.

"where have you been?" she asked, "me and john have been worried sick about you two."

"oh i bet you were." i replied harshly, putting my focus back into my drawing. she was offended, tilting her head, "excuse me?"

"you're excused." i said. she was baffled. "how dare yo-"

"-i talk to my mother like that, that's not the right way to speak to a parent. you should show me respect, blah, blah, give me another rant that i won't listen to, won't you?" i wondered, my eyes staring holes into 'always', "why do you even try anymore? you should just go back to john, he is probably waiting for you downstairs." and he'll kiss her goodbye, on the lips, and whisper an, "i love you." and a, "you're the best thing that happened to me." 

no. that was unfair. i wouldn't let this happen. darryl was the best thing that happened to me, too. he couldn't just take that away from me. no one could. no one would be able to. it was my life. mine. something only i had control over. i wouldn't change for anyone else, so why would i stop loving the boy of my dreams for my mother?

"you're a lost cause, zak." she whispered, biting her lip. "did i raise you wrong, or something? was it something i did? how did i screw up that badly?"

there was no answer to a question that had obviously already been answered. 

"say goodbye to john for me." i said, my voice turning monotone. it had lost all emotion since she walked in. "can you go?"

"how's your hand?" she asked, and i wanted to cry. i asked for her to go. why wasn't she leaving.

"good." i replied, no emotion shown. i didn't even try to hide any.

"let me see." she demanded, and that was when i finally looked in her eyes. she must've been surprised at my stone cold ice, because she looked frozen. i raised my bandaged hand up, waving it around in her view.

"who bandaged that? darryl?" 

who else would i let touch me like that? "yeah, darryl."

"you let him heal your pain and not me?"

"there wasn't any pain to heal. it never hurt in the first place."

that was enough for her, i guessed, because she left the room without a word.

yeah, i did let darryl heal me. i trusted him enough to let him do so. why would i let a stranger fix me, when i had darryl by my side?

i sighed, bringing my hand back down to shade in the drawing.

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