Unfortunately Yours( In Progressing/Editing/Fine Tuning)

Chapter 6

Three years ago- Vanessa

My back is pressed against my door. I can still feel him standing on the other side of it.
       This hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. This kills my heart and replaces it with the blackest coal. Of course I am overreacting.... But what am I suppose to do?
       I almost told him tonight. Almost told him that we didn't use a condom the first night we slept together and that I was pregnant and just found out earlier today.
      But when I realized what kinda of business he was doing... I knew our child couldn't be linked to that. Our baby, the one growing in my womb..
       I rub my lower abdomen and feel myself smile. It wasn't a joyous smile, it was a sad one. Sad because this is going to be excruciatingly hard. Sad because I am going to have to leave part of my heart behind. Because I realized today when Carter was standing infront of me to protect me from my father... That I love him. And that's something I can never tell him now.
        I wanted to know if he felt this too. If he loved me to but now I will never know. Because I am leaving this town. Leaving Georgia and going to New York. I was offered an internship at Everglades Media and I will be calling them tomorrow to accept their offer.
        I pound on Lena's door. I am shivering and shaking. My whole body convulsing with soft sobs. I can't see a thing, everything is blurred by my tears.
       Helena opens her door and is completely startled by the sight of me sobbing right infront of her.
       "What happened Ness??" She grabs me into her arms and squeezed me.
        "I don't know what to do... I'm pregnant Lena .. I'm pregnant and my baby's father is a drug dealer... And I love him... oh God .. I love him more than I can even describe!" I cry.
       I wipe my tears away on the back of my hand.
       "Are you going to tell him? Or your parents?"
       I laugh and it's far from amused. The idea of my child being around my parents sends a sharp twisting pain in my stomach and I have to hold my breath so I don't throw up.
        "I will not let this baby suffer like I did .. I have.. " I hiccup and she squeezes my hand.
       "I have an internship in New York that I was going to turn down. But I think this is what's for the best."
       My throat is aching and my chest is throbbing. At this point I don't know if it's my lungs begging for oxygen or my heart falling to pieces. 
        "So your not going to tell Carter?" She frowns. An believe me I know it is horrible not to tell him he's going to be a father. It makes me feel vile and like I don't have a soul. But because I do love Carter, this baby was made with love and I will protect him or her no matter the cost.
       "Lena... He sells drugs and he's in a foster home... One day I will tell him. But not right now he already has so much to deal with." My voice is pleading and my eyes search hers. I can tell she is having a hard time processing everything. I can tell her loyalty for me is warring against what's right.
      "The baby won't lack for anything. I will so be your baby daddy!" She grins. I think I love her more than I did when we first became friends at the tender age of ten. 
      
We waited until it was two in the morning. Lena called Ashton and his friends to help us. Don't ask me how she managed to convince them to do this, but they were my knights in shining armor and I will forever be in debt to them.
       I don't know how we managed to get everything together by four in the morning but it happened. All that was left was a letter fastened to my closet door. I purposefully left the front door unlocked so that he could come inside.

     The first few weeks in a new town were horrifying. It was hard navigating the busy streets of  New York new York.
       Luckily I had an emergency fund. I saved every penny I made from busting tables back home and my small photography gigs. The very same photographs that earned me this incredible internship.
       The pain of leaving Carter behind never went away. And I prayed one day he would forgive me.
  
Five months later my baby bump finally popped. It was so surreal feeling this beautiful creature kicking and bumping inside of me. I was head over heels for someone I haven't even met. This love was more consuming than the love I lost. This love could save my soul.
       My parents somehow found out about the baby. They told me I was no longer their daughter. God forbid that their perfect family image be tainted by a young single mother. I can already see the newspaper littered with articles about Atlanta's big shot criminal defense attorney turning a grandfather at the ripe age of forty.
       I was fine with them abandoning me. Lena more than made up for my lack of family.
       Who am I kidding it killed something deep inside of me. But every time I felt my little boy kick the pain got easier to deal with.
       
"So how the hell does this thing work?" Helena turns the instructions for the baby crib upside down and angles it sideways. We have been going at this for hours.
       "Where's a man when you need one?" I groan and ly on my back. We painted his room an icy blue color that reminded me of Carter's eyes.
      It was themed with instruments and music notes. I tried to keep Carter in the back of my mind an pretend that he would love it.
       "Your gorgeous and all with that pregnancy glow but I highly doubt it would be comfortable in the act of sex." She snickered.
       "I don't even want to think about sex." I scrunched my nose up.
        "Okay we just need to Google the damn thing. I give up!" She flops down on the floor beside me.
       "You are the best friend anyone could ever have Lena. You've sacrificed so much for me." My voice waivers and I feel hot tears drop down my cheeks.
       "Oh God. I swear I can't wait for this hormone phase to go away." She says grinning. I smack her arm and we get lost in our laughter.