Unfortunately Yours( In Progressing/Editing/Fine Tuning)

chapter 10

     Present - Carter

I sit on the bar stool wallowing in my idiocy. Of course she would think that I only wanted this because of Seth. What she doesn't realize is that I only want this with her. It's always been her.
     What the hell do I have to do to make this crazy woman believe that I never stopped wanting her. That I crave our dysfunction and the way we make eachother feel alive. Having Seth only makes me want it more.
       The first thing I realized after spending the day with this heart squeezing kid is that I want to be there for him.
       I want to witness every smile, every tear, every birthday, every year.
       This love hate relationship isn't what it seems. There is no hate, just an all consuming unconditional love that's chaotic and purely us. If fate hadn't had it's hand in our lives this wouldn't have happened. What are the chances that we fall in love in less than a month, she mother's my child and then life throws us together again?
       Everything I've done she's always been in the back of my mind like ghost. This house, the reason I haven't touched drugs or alcohol, the reason I barely messed around with women. It was like I subconsciously knew we would cross paths again.
       I will fight to the death if I have to. I know I just need to make her feel what us is like again. The undiluted, unwaivering truth of us.
       I open the wedding ring box and eye the impressive platinum band. Then an idea so glorious that the saints would bow at my feet started taking shape. 
       I made her fall in love with me before and I know I can do it again.

      I wake up this morning to make breakfast. Today is the first day we will be working together and I want Seth to come and see what our passion is.
       I get his clothes ready and feed him then bring breakfast to Nessa. She doesn't know that we are sharing a room, last night i slept on the couch. Slept isn't the right word. I stayed up all night thinking.
       I forgot how my breath stalls when she looks so peaceful. I fight back the urge to slip my hand on to her face.
       "Nessa.." I murmur.
She wakes up almost immediately. Her eyes are wide as she looks around the room in confusion. My lip twists.
       "Dear God.. I was hoping it was a dream." She groans and sits up.
       "Your breakfast is next to you. Get dressed we have work to do."

We arrive at the trailer and greet my mates.
        Almost in unison every one of them stare at Seth with wide eyes.
        "Ay Carter... Don't mean to be alarming but I think I'm seeing double." Kayden says squinting his eyes and rubbing his temple.
       "This is Seth. Our soon." I saw smiling at Vanessa. Her face is blood red and she looks away embarrassed.
       Harry gets up and kneels infront of Seth tilting his head.
        "It's a splitting image of you dude. It's kinda freaky."
        I growl in annoyance. I'm about to tell him back up but Seth, the amazing little thing he is he touching Harry's nose. He lifts up his toy guitar to show him. Harry laughs, a deep gut cringing laugh.
       "Your Fathers boy huh? Come!" He says extending his hand. I know Harry, i trust him more than any of the other guys. But I feel unnerved at the thought of Seth leaving my sight. Like she can feel my unease Vanessa squeezes my forearm.
       "It's ok. It's funny how quickly the worry comes huh?" Her voice is soft and her eyes are glued to Seth's back as he follows Harry inside of the large building we rent for rehearsal.
      "I don't know how you do it."
She shrugs.
      "Practice. You don't magically become a parent over night. I was a bit of a mess when he was born. It's terrifying." She admits.
       "I promise I'll get the hang of this."
       I don't know when the rest of the guys went inside, I was too focused on her to notice. But now that we are alone I want her. It's building inside of me and it's painful. It's hard holding back, it's excruciating.
       She faces me.
        "Will you watch him tonight? I have a date." She's bouncing on the balls of her feet and biting her lip.
       The words are like razors stabbing through my chest, I clench my teeth to hold back a breath that rushed out of my lungs at this news.
       "Yeah. I got this." My voice sounds detached. It feels like she's slipping through my fingers again and it's painful. Before I could make an idiot of myself I turn and go inside.

Seth is banging on Harry's drums with all his might. Harry is smiling, hes completely immersed in the kid. I can't blame him, he has two of his own. He hardly sees them and it bothers him but he doesn't complain. They both have different mum's and they were both more interested in his money than him. When he does get to see them he is alive and carefree.
       I didn't understand it before but I do now.
        "Hi..  hi Carter."
I wince at the sound of Summer's voice. Harry's little sister had haf it bad from me since she was under legal age. I am five years older than her and she never cared.
       She throws herself at me every chance she gets. Harry tries to limit her time with the band when she took things a little too far last year. She threatened to kill a girl I had a fling with.
       "Hey kid." I greet her. Her lips part and I think of anything that could get me out of this awkward conversation.
      "Ive been thinking about you. I tried to call but you never call me back." She frowns.
      She turns her head and I knew from the horror in her eyes she saw Seth. She turns to me with accusing eyes.
      "Who is he?"
I feel my chest squeeze. I may have to talk to Vanessa about canceling her date.
      "That's Seth. Vanessa and I have a son." I watch her intently,
       I can see the gears in her mind turning. She gives me a brittle smile.
       "Well it was nice seeing you car. I'll speak to you soon!" She says a little more enthusiastically than I care for.
      She grabs my shoulders and kisses my cheek.
 
After she leaves I march to Harry. My nerves are at a screaming match with each-other.
       "I need to talk to you."
He doesn't hesitate when he sees the expression on my face.
      "Nessa! Come get Seth " I call to her not turning my gaze toward her.
     
      "Your sister saw Seth. I don't like how she handled it."
       Harry sighs and plants his forehead against the wall.
       "Shes been doing better with her medication but I think it would be best to kick up your security." He says rubbing the back of his neck.
       "Medication?" I say alarmed.
       "After last year I made her see a specialist. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia."
        "Christ! And you didn't think I should know this?" I snarl.
       He looks to his feet ashamed.
       "You would have done anything for Emma.. im trying to do whatever I can for summer." He he murmurs.
       I sigh. I understand I do... But now I'm worried for Vanessa and Seth's safety.