Dead Reckoning - A Gregorio del Pilar x Reader story

XXXIV - Mauerbauertraurigkeit

n. the inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like.

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Days and weeks passed without any other nightmarish or episodic attack. Goyo appears like his old self the day after the incident. The rest of the people living with us doesn't notice it; except for me and Julian who bore witness. Not to mention that Julian had become much more observant of Goyo, always following him wherever he might be. After all, the peace that everyone is experiencing right now seems like a vacation or a strain after months ago of fighting.

But that is what fears me the most. I've read once that before a storm arrives, there's the calmness. The sky is blue, clear skies above, the wind is even lulling everyone to sleep, and the stillness of everything appears normal. It's like an ordinary day. And yet, a brewing storm is coming; and when it does come, everything that there is dissipates. The sky is of angry gray color, clouds overcast with heavy precipitation, and the wind is whistling as if it had been calling forth for destruction to strike. And after some time, it will disappear, and everything will appear normal again; the only difference is the carnage that it had left on its wake.

And after experiencing a battle myself and the peaceful life I have back home, I can say that a battle strikes the same way that a storm does. The calmness before the storm. The silence in the eye of a hurricane.

The peace that we are experiencing now might be a facade, all the while the Americans had been strategizing their next moves that will catch us off guard.

However, what is one voice of mine compared to all others? The soldiers here is surely living the rest of their lives battling for survival, thankful that they are still alive at this moment. That compared to other people, they are the frontliner of wishers that the war will finally draw to an end. But, surely, they know when a battle is coming, do they? They know the signal that will bring them to their feet and grab their arms right away, marching onward. Or will the whistling arrow be a hindsight for all?

Especially now that all Goyo seems to do is to continue pursuing and courting Remedios Nable Jose, despite the latter's apparent lack of attention. As if I mind his actions, all that matters to me is to take a hint when will be the time that he'll be triggered by that wandering nightmare. All the reason that, despite my hesitation, I try to act as Julian's back-up guard. I'd rather call myself as some spy, simply following Goyo wherever he'll be. I'll act casual and appear that I'm just walking around town doing stuffs. After all, there's Julian who doesn't seem to mind following Goyo right on his tail.

Most times, Julian fails. Goyo will find his way out of Julian's sight. And that's where I come in. Like some mushroom suddenly popping out of nowhere to watch. There are times that Goyo will not notice me, but there are also times that he will. He'll just look at my direction and return his focus in courting. And I can say that whenever he finds me looking, he becomes much more attached with Remedios as if he is purposely making me jealous.

Am I jealous? The hell with him. I know that he still thinks that there's something between me and Isidro. And because of what happened, Isidro seems to keep a distance from me, too; and if I'll be asking if he has an idea about Goyo's waking nightmares, I am sure that he has no idea of it. In the end, it's just me to deal with this. After all, this is surely the mission that I am asked to complete to finish the game.

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A few days later, for some reasons, I suddenly wake up in the middle of the night. A good look at the darkness at the other side of the windows suggest that it is two or three hours before dusk. And for some reasons, no matter how hard I try to return to sleep, I fail to do so. In the end, I move away from the bed and decide to pour myself a glass of water. With a candle on hand, I make it downstairs, finding my own assumptions right that it is still too early for work to commence.