Memoir of Xayah - The lost sparrow and the lonley fox

[18]

« What is your name? » she asked the Vastaya while she was washing some bowls in the pool.

The woman looked at her baffled as if the answer was more complicated.

After their brief dialogue, she took the distance from her again, talking to her only when it was necessary. She was avoiding her and had never tried another approach.

And she knew that the Vastaya was moved by fear.

She remembered well their first encounter; she was hiding from her. Something happened in her past, something that moved her in that direction. And she did not want to force her.

The woman also proved kind, but she could change behaviour if she would have asked about her past.

But her name was a must, and it was practical for their cohabitation.

« Did I not tell you my name? » the Vastaya asked.

« No. I am calling you " hey you" since we first met. »

The woman looked at the bowl in her hands. Her eyes were full of melancholy again. She opened her mouth, but not a single sound came out. She was afraid to say that single word. Maybe she feared it could create a bond with her, like the braid that was laying on her shoulder.

The woman confessed she was not good with people, but it was a lie. She did not want to do that. She had isolated herself in that cave so that she could stay away from the world. Something was keeping her out of sight, a vow she broke when she found her in the forest.

She puffed and turned, leaving the Vastaya with her problem. She had already her own and had to concentrate on them. First thing, she was getting better with her left arm. She had improved her aim and was able to hit almost the spot she had in mind. She felt ready to outside and spy the temple. Probably she would have done that the following day.

She had the urgent need to smell the scents of the forest and to see the infinite blue sky on her head again. Closed inside that cave, she missed the freedom; it was too small for her needs. She could not run; she could not climb and feel the energy of the wild magic completely.

She had accepted that because she was not able to defend herself, but now she could not bear it anymore.

« Ahri. »

After she heard that name, she felt into reality again. She was inside a cave, and the Vastaya that lived with her had just spoken. The woman said that, and she was sure she would have never heard her name.

It did not sound familiar to her; it did not belong to any tribe she knew, as her aspect. Maybe she had to stop asking herself about her origins.

She stopped her training and got close. She knelt next to her so that she could look directly in her fox eyes. They were waiting for her reaction, but they were not serene.

They were begging her not to start a conversation, to let them both go back to their tasks.

« You are weird », she said, standing up, « By the way, tomorrow I will take a walk around here. I need to breathe. »

« Why are you saying this to me? » Ahri asked, confused.

« So if you do not find me, you will not worry. »

A heavy silence fell between them. It was like none of them was breathing, frozen inside that moment.

A single movement broke it; Ahri threw the bowl angrily in the pool and turned towards her.

She was scared of the Vastaya. She could not deny that. She had sensed the power inside her magic; she would have never been able to overwhelm her.

But what she feared more was the reason for that reaction. She had not said anything wrong and had acted appropriately. Anyone would have been worried; she had never left the cave after all.

« Why do you make it so hard? » Ahri yelled, coming near.

Her eyes were no more fogged up by melancholy. Now, they were lighted up by anger. An Anger she did not understand and could not face.

She moved her hand, instinctively, toward her feathers. She did not want to attack her, but she did not see other options. The woman had gone mad, a victim of an alteration in her mood.

Ahri hid her face in her hands, along with her eyes, ready to cry.

She relaxed her hand; the Vastaya had never wanted to attack her. She did not understand what was going on inside her mind and did not know how to comfort her. Ahri had isolated herself, and it was obvious that her presence had broken her harmony.

Maybe it was time she found another hiding place so that they could go their separate paths.

« Sorry, I did not want to say something wrong. Maybe tomorrow... »

Ahri shook her head and stood up, wiping a short tear with her hand.

« It is not your fault. Did I not tell you? I am not good with people », she said, smiling bitterly, « Maybe it is better if I leave the cave and find another one so that you can stay here in peace.»

The Vastaya was acting as if she was the victim, blaming herself for her terrible temper. And she hated who tried so hard to be pitied.

Ahri enlightened her weaknesses to gain attention and to be comforted.

She would have believed her if she had not looked for a healer for repairing at her wrong splint. And she could not forget the empathy The Vastaya had created some days ago when she had combed her hair. Her will dictated everything, the same that now wanted to push her away.

« Do whatever you want. But If you leave, I want to thank you for what you have done. »

« Please, I have only avoided you for all this time. » Ahri replied, chocking a laugh.

Her rage raised, but she tried to calm herself. She had to play her game, or she would have heard those empty moans again.

« But you have also saved me, and someone bad with people does not do that », she said, passing by her, « It is what you wanted to hear, is not it? »

She could not resist to provoke her. She hated such behaviour; her reaction was instinctive.

Ahri grabbed her right shoulder and put a hand on her cheek, forcing her to turn.

« Do not jump to a conclusion if you do not know someone. »

In her eyes, there was no more a request for pity, but a sharp honesty. She thought those words, more than the previous ones.

She went back on her positions, Ahri was weird, maybe too much. She could not understand her and feared to try it. But there was something that was pushing her towards the woman, a feeling of closeness to another Vastaya.

Another Vastaya that was alone like her.

She had thought to leave, but she did not want to do that. Ahri's eyes did not share only the same color as hers, but the same feeling of loneliness. She could not abandon her at her fate. It was like she hurt herself.

« You are weird, but I do not dislike your company. But If you prefer to leave, I will not stop you. » she said, moving away Ahri's hand.

She left her behind, heading towards the entrance. She would have lied in wait under the big leaves and enjoyed some fresh air. In the meanwhile, she hoped Ahri would have cleared her head.