Memoir of Xayah - The lost sparrow and the lonley fox

[27]

She exited the cave soon in the morning, wandered and came back at sunset. And after she ate and laid on her couch, without saying a word. Ahri, for his part, did not try to start a conversation, but she could not raise her face in her presence.
She did not count the days she behaved that way, but she remembered all her efforts to connect the images the witch had shown her. She was not even able to recall them clearly; they were like fragments that combined created a disassembled and senseless patchwork. The only two pictures she remembered well were the maple valley and the man with the red eyes.
She considered that discover the identity of the mysterious figure was important. After all, the witch had said that someone was kidnapping Vastayas. She searched through her memories, from her childhood stories to the conversations she had during her journey. She could not dig deep; the tension with Ahri was pressing her. It was not only causing her nausea but also invading her mind.
It was her main problem. She hated to see her sad and the idea she had caused that mood. Some apologies would have been enough, and she deserved them. But she was scared. She was suffering now, nut she would have suffered more when she would have left. And she did not want to give her hopes for a conciliation.
She had to sever her relationship with Ahri and leave as soon as possible. It was the best thing to do. She would have been far and, after some time, she would have thought clearly.
She decided to tell Ahri about her decision. She stood up from the couch and entered the main lair, where the Vastaya was washing some bowls.
She swallowed and tried not to care about the pit in her stomach.
« Hey... » she said.
Ahri left her work immediately and turned toward her, surprised.
She hesitated; she could not tell her she was leaving, not if the Vastaya was looking at her like a lost puppy.
« I... in short, I wanted to tell you... » she muttered, incapable of finding the right words.
« You do not need to explain. The important thing is that I arrived on time. »
That sentence was like a punch that hit her unsettled stomach badly. She did not find a proper reply. She stood still, while Ahri took the bowls and passed by her.
« I'm leaving, » she finally said, finding the courage.
She heard the Vastaya stopping. She could only imagine her expression, but it still made her suffer. The guilt took over and made her remember Ahri saved her life twice. She was unfair to her. Even if she would have never seen her again, she owned her some explanations. She had to clarify she had a purpose, and it was not Ahri's fault.
« Do not get me wrong. I have to do it. You have been kind, and you have helped me too much... »
She turned and seeing the Vastaya teary was the final blow. Her wall fell, and everything she had held back came up like a river in flood.
« Someone had kidnapped my tribe, and I have to save my people. I can not wait. I can not let... »
« And you want to go alone? »
The question and the disapproving tone stopped her from ending her explanation. She feared Ahri's reaction after her answer, as when she had to confess her mischief to her father.
« I am alone. I had no other options. »
She felt lighter after she said those words. She had held them back for too long, and that was a relief. She hoped Ahri would not have pitied her; pity was the last thing she could tolerate.
The Vastaya took a deep breath and put down the bowls before she stood up.
« All right, » Ahri whispered.
She did not understand if she gave her consent to her departure, or she talked to herself.
« I'll take you. »
She was straight and strict. She would not have accepted a negative response.
She would not have objected, breaking her solitude had been a mirage for too long. But she could not let her risk her life for a stranger.
« No, are you gone mad? Well, I am happy that you want to come with me, but it is dangerous and... »
While she was trying to organize her words, Ahri approached. She stopped and looked at her with a teasing smile.
« But if without me, you would have become the prize of the priest. »
Remembering they were so close to hurt her stopped her tongue. It was a terrible experience, and Ahri was right; without her help, she would have never said those apologies.
« I made a mistake. I did not consider how much they were or if they were there... but how did you know I was there? » she asked, changing the subject.
She needed some time to find the right words to dissuade her.
« I have followed you, even more times. You know, a person usually does not spend half a day to gather only a basket of fruits. Or at least, not a person with all your energy. »
She outsmarted her twice. She had not noticed her and had never thought Ahri could be suspicious about her behaviour. She was still too naive. She had to pull herself together or would have never face the captor of her tribe. She had to agree with the witch; her path would have been long and arduous.
« What has brought you there? » Ahri asked, serious.
She bit her lips, not sure to reveal it. She already told her too much, and other pieces would have only made her closer.
But she gave up, considering the damage was done. Maybe that colud be the right words to dissuade her.
« I had to speak to the witch inside the temple. She knew where my tribe was. »
« You did... is there really something inside that place? »
Ahri was quite surprised. She had never seen her eyes so wide open. Even if she had lived her for long, she had not come to know about the witch.
She was privileged for having met her and getting out of it alive twice.
« Yes she told me... in fact, she showed me what I have to do. I... my enemy is darkness and who is trying to tame it. »
It was a terrible speech caused by a dry mouth and some chills. She miraculously reached the final point and hoped to scratch Ahri's stubbornness.
But the Vastaya reflected, leaning her hand gracefully on her face. She understood it was all useless. « This story is not new, » Ahri said.
« What do you mean? » she asked euphorically.
She did not want the Vastaya to follow her. She did not want the Vastaya to face her dangers. But if she could help her to make order in the hints given by the witch, she would not have refused it.
« I know there is a place called the Temple of Shadows, where the followers train themselves to control darkness under their leader, but... »
« Where are they? »
She did not let her finish the sentence. She was sure that was the right path. Her words had brought back a memory, a conversation she had with Zakai and that she had deleted along with the others. He also had spoken about a similar group and even at their leader.
And she would have never forgotten how much the men eyes were similar to the witch's one.
« You will find out if you follow me. I understand that you want to save your tribe, but alone you have no chance against them. »
She had failed twice with the Temple of Whispers; she would have lied to herself saying she could face them. She was still weak, with an arm she could not stay off and too naive. She could wait and get better, or she could be faster with Ahri's help.
The last was tempting; she would not have traveled alone and would have been covered. It was tempting, but it would have given her the weight of another life, the proper conclusion if she would have improved their relationship.
And she had suffered enough when she had found herself alone in the forest. She did not want to relieve that pain, not when she had reached a glimmer of happiness.
« I am a terrible partner, » she said, thinking about the silliest justifications.
« You did not kill me in my sleep, and this is enough. »
« I can not do teamwork. »
« We can learn. »
« You will live your hideout to some predators. »
« It was temporary. »
« Why do you want to follow me so much? » she shouted in the end.
Ahri did not answer. She held her weakly and caressed her head. The scent of her oils inebriated her, lulling her along with the warmth of her body. It had been a while since someone had shown her some affection. She had forgotten it was a pleasant feeling, and she needed it.
She decided to stay there, in her arms, and with her head resting on her chest. She heard her heartbeat before Ahri bent down a bit and approached to her ear.
« Because I am alone too. »