Virulence|yoongi!centric!fluff!angst!trigger warning!~e n j o y~

~u n~

Author pov

January 5th, 2019

I peeled my eyes open as the sunlight burned into my vison. I let out a sigh as I got up. I moved to get ready and my arms and hands started to ache. I hiss in pain as I realize it's time to change my bandages. I pick up a small box filled with razors, blades, and gauze tape.

As I unwrap my bandages the urge comes to my mind.

No

No

No

No. 

As I try to fight it I realize that I'm already dragging the blade against my pale skin.

I sit down and cry. "Why can't I just be stronger than this?" I ask quietly as I wrap my arms and thighs

I hear a knock and I flinch as I quickly put the blades and gauze in the box. "Yoongi-ah, you've been in there 30 minutes. Everything okay in there?"

Oh fuck.

"Yes, hyung!" I say as I come out with the box. "What's in the box?" I flinch. "Jewelry, hyung." I answer a bit to quickly. Jin examines my face more. "Your eyes are puffy. Have you been...crying?" I swallow nervously. "It's just allergies I'm fine hyung." I say pushing past him. That was close. I quickly go to my room to change. I put on a black oversized hoodie to hide my bandages. Once I get out I grab something to eat and get in the car with the rest of the members. I put my earbuds in and start listening to music to drown out the sounds of the world

*~*~*

We get out of the car into the building. I shove my phone into my back pocket and keep my head down to avoid the camera flashes. I'm trying to hold it together in public and not have a panic attack. I'm thinking of grabbing onto another member for support but I don't want to, so I just stay close to Namjoon. Once we get inside the building we exchange greetings. "Ok, we are live in three, two, one!"

"Hello! I am here with," we do our introduction. "Two! Three! Bangtan sonyeondan!" My voice cracks slightly due to the fact I was crying but no one seems to notice. I space out as everyone gets asked questions. Then I feel something tapping my leg. "Hm?" I ask looking at Jimin who tells me that the interviewer wants to ask me a question. "Ok, go for it." I say a bit dull. "Everyone has been wanting to know for the longest time...what is your sexual orientation?"I flinch as I bite my lip. I fiddle with my fingers thinking of an excuse as to why I can't answer that question.

"I-I can't answer that right now." I say quietly as I feel everyones' eyes on me. "Aw, come on. ARMY has been curious for too long!" The horrible thing is, not even the rest of the boys know. So, I say it really low. "I'm pan." The interviewer doesn't seem to hear me. God, I feel so fucking humiliated. "I said," I start, swallowing the lump in my throat and holding back tears and looking down. "I'm pansexual."