Virulence|yoongi!centric!fluff!angst!trigger warning!~e n j o y~

~c i n q~

I manage to pull my lazy ass out of bed. My plan is to skip breakfast and hide in my studio as I pretend to be focused. "Hyung, Yoongi's sneaking out," Jungkook says being his usually nosy self. 

"You little-," 

"Yoongi-ah, eat," Jin says wiping his hands on his apron. "It's a break, you should relax." But working is the only way I can relax from all these voices. It keeps my body busy and my mind blank. But my hyung and donsaengs don't seem to get it. "But hyung, I-," 

"Sit." He says sternly pointing his spoon at the table. I sigh in defeat as I eat my soup. I see Jimin sit down at the table and avoid his gaze. I eat the soup quickly get out of the house. I finish my soup and as soon as they turn away, I grab my earbuds and leave. 

Okay off to work.

Off to hell.

*~*~*

 I reach the studio and close the door. My ultimate goal right now is to be so immersed in work that I forget what's going on and my entire mind goes blank.

Yeah.

I sit in the chair and open the computer. My head hurts.

I ended up working for 16 hours straight. I check the time.

5:32am

I'm pretty sure my mind decided to initiate panic mode because that's exactly what I feel like doing.

Yoongi you can't even produce songs correctly. You're just a pretty face nothing more.

I'm not even a pretty face.

Finally, you got one thing right.

And before I know it, I'm curled up in a ball on my chair rocking myself as if to soothe the pain and all of the attacks. I feel as if I want to escape. Escape from myself. Escape from the high standards. Escape from the expectations. Escape from the world.

Well, there's only one way to do that.

I can't. I won't. So, in order to make the mental pain go away I'll treat myself to the physical pain I deserve.

I roll my sleeves down preparing to use a pocket knife I found in the cabinet. I bring the tip of my cold blade down to my wrist desperate for the pain, the demons inside me telling me what to do.

One cut for being a fag.

Another for being useless.

Three for being stupid.

Four for being a burden.

.

.

.

.

.

.

And 30 for an even number.

*~*~*

I check my phone and it says 5:47am along with 31 missed calls and 18 unread text messages.

Kook

Hyung?

Hyung answer me please ;-;

Hyung where are you I'm worried just tell me where you are

Jiminie

Hyung it's 1:00am where are you.