Chapter 11

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After my talk with Sebastion, I went back inside and was immediately cornered by Lillyth.

"So? How did it go?"

"As well as could be expected, I guess," I told her.

He hadn't said anything I hadn't thought myself or hadn't already been told by someone else. Ben's mom sure made it known. I just wasn't expecting it to come from my own brother. It did explain his behavior, though. I suppose it will take a long while for us to get past that. As much as it hurt, I would give him his space.

"He does love you. He told me as much. He is just in a lot of pain." She looked thoughtful for a moment and then asked, "What all did he say?"

"Just that he hates me, but he knows it's not my fault. And I know he loves me. That's what makes it hard. I hate myself, but I was the one who went through the accident. The one who survived while everyone else died." I sniffled and Lillyth pulled on my arm and dragged me down the hallway, to my bedroom. Once inside, she closed the door and we sat on my bed.

"What you went through was unimaginable, but I believe that you were left here to care for Jessamine. I don't know how your brother would have handled taking care of her if you weren't here. God has a plan for all of us and I think this is yours."

Snot and tears rolled down my cheeks as she talked. Her hand rubbed circles over my back and I found myself wondering what she would have been like as a sister. Then for a brief moment, I considered asking her if she would help Seb take care of Jessi so that I could be a normal teenager, again. I instantly felt sick for even thinking about it, because I knew that I'd never be able to give her up. I may not be able to go party or hang out with friends anymore, but that didn't matter to me. She was what matter now. Jessi, Grandpa and surprisingly, Sameal where all I cared about. They were my only concerns every single day since we had moved here. Yes, I loved Sebastion, but he had his own life. I couldn't be there for him, now.

"Thank you," I said, whipping my eyes with the back of my hand. We sat in silence for a few moments before she turned to me.

"Did he say anything else?"

"No," I said, confused.

She looked disappointed. Pursing her lips, she looked as though she was deciding whether to tell me anyway. With a smile that she didn't seem to be able to hide, she said, "I'm pregnant."

My mouth dropped open and I couldn't help but say, "What?"

Her face fell, and she looked down and her feet, hanging over the side of my bed. I immediately felt horrible. "Oh, no. I didn't mean it that way! I'm so happy for you! For you, both. It's just a huge surprise! I didn't even know Seb had a girlfriend. But I am happy for you. Congratulations!" I pulled her into a hug and she squeezed me back.

Letting out a sigh, she pushed me back and looked at me. "Thank you! He's not too thrilled with the timing but he is happy."

"I have so many questions, now," I said, smiling at her.

"Ask away."

"First, how long have you two been together?"

"Two years."

He hid her from us for two years, I thought. Instead of asking, I said, "Wow! So how far along are you?"

"Just over twelve weeks."

A knock interrupted us, so I stood from my bed and walked over to open it. Sameal stood there, looking panicked.

"What's wrong?"

"Shaw..."

Before he could finish, I pushed him, hard, out of the way and ran for the living room. Grandpa laid on the couch, looking too pale. I ran to him and fell to my knees beside the couch. His breathing was too slow and shallow, and his eyes were closed. I gripped one of his hands in mine and squeezed. Sebastion stood behind the couch looking over the back at us, his eyes full of sorrow. My heart beat fast and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I asked Seb where Sameal had gone and he said to call an ambulance. We stayed like that for so long that my legs went numb waiting on the paramedics. That was one of the downsides of living so far out of town. It took forever for anyone to get here.

When they arrived, the put oxygen on Grandpa and loaded him into the ambulance. Sameal was going to ride with him, but then Sebastion asked if he could and Sameal backed off. I told him that I would be there as soon as I could. He nodded and climbed into the back, beside Grandpa. When they pulled away, I ran into the house and into my room. I didn't bother changing, just slipped my feet into some socks and shoes and gathered up my bag and phone.

When I came back into the living room, Lillyth was changing Jessi's diaper. I paused a moment to smile and be grateful. I told her as much and asked if she would take me to the hospital.

"I totally would, but Bash took the keys with him."

"Damnit," I huffed. I can't drive Grandpa's truck because it is a standard and I haven't learned how to drive it, yet. Sameal. I'll ask Sameal. To Lillyth, I asked, "Would I be asking too much of you to watch Jessamine?"

"Of course not. Go!"

"Thank you, so much!"

I took off in search of Sameal. He wasn't in the kitchen or his bedroom, so I went out to the front porch. He wasn't there, either. I scanned the barn and its surrounding. Not there. The only other place I could think of was his 'spot'. I took off down the stairs, around the house, and down the path. I didn't stop until I was about a foot behind him.

Putting my hand flat on his back, I said, "Sam."

His body was hot where my hand touched him over his shirt. His muscles flexed when he moved. He turned his body to face me and I saw the tears streaming down his cheeks. I wrapped my arms around him and he did the same to me. "Sam," I said, again. "Lillyth is going to watch Jessi so that we can go to Grandpa." I looked up at him and waited for him to answer. When he said nothing, I let my left-hand fall to his and turned to walk to his truck.

He drove us to the hospital in complete silence. I didn't try to make conversation with him, because I, myself didn't feel like talking. When we arrived at the hospital, they already had Grandpa in a room. He was hooked up to machines and oxygen. Sebastion sat beside him, holding his hand. He looked up when we entered but made no move to stand or talk. I walked to the opposite side of the bed and leaned down to kiss Grandpa on the cheek. When I stood back up, his eyes were open, and he was smiling. Fresh tears rolled out of my eyes and I hiccupped a sob.

"Don't you dare cry for me, Girl."

"I can't help it. You scared me. You scared all of us," I said, gesturing to the boys.

He frowned. He pulled off his oxygen and said, "It's not my time yet. Just a minor setback."

"A minor setback?" I looked at him incredulously. "This was not a MINOR setback."

"Bee, calm down. He's okay, now. That's all that matters."

I huffed and stomped out of the room, pushing past Sameal. So many emotions ran through my mind. Ager that my Grandpa was so nonchalant about this, relief that he was okay, and annoyance that for once, Sebastion was the reasonable one. Moments later, footsteps followed behind me. Sameal caught my arm and slide his fingers through mine. He pulled me to a stop and turned me around. "Where are you going?"

"To find a damn doctor."

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