In Your Head

I'm Afraid

Ant opened the door to Ali and Dec's room, there on the bed lay Declan curled up tight as if trying to disappear. Tears tracks making intricate designs on his pale cheeks. Dec looked underweight and older than he normally did. This appearance was painfully familiar. Dec had looked this way back in 2018, when Ant had left to take time for dealing with his addictions. Ant carefully walked up to Dec who still hadn't seemed to notice him. Ant put on a sad smile and sat on the end of the bed looking over his shoulder at his friend.
"What do you want?" Dec asked quietly suddenly noticing another presence in the room.
"I want to know why you are avoiding me Dec."
"Ant!?" Dec looked up surprised. "I thought you were Ali!"
"Well I'm not though, am I?" Ant chuckled.
"Go away."
"Come on Dec, Talk to me."
Dec shook his head and walk towards the door.
"Who let you in here?" Dec asked.
"Is that even a question Dec you and Ali are the only people here. You think the dog let me in? Use common sense Declan."
"You are not here to tell me what to do, you shouldn't even be here at all..."
"Just because your sad doesn't mean that your brain has stopped working."
"Leave!!"
"I'm not leaving until I know what is going on in that little head of yours." Fresh tears were now making their way down Dec's face. He turned his head away from Ant to hide his discomfort but Ant saw.
Ant carefully got up off the bed and walked to stand over Dec, his breath warming Dec's neck. Ant put his hands on Dec's shoulders and turned him so that He was facing him. Dec was looking down but Ant lifted Dec's chin gently. They two of them looking into each others eyes trying to read the others emotions. Finally Ant spoke up.
"Tell me what is up. Why are you pushing everyone away?"
"I'm afraid..."
"What are you afraid of?" Ant asked calmly sounding much like a phycologist.
"Hurting you and Ali."
"How?"
"Because i'm so sad and tired in afraid that i'm going to break and lash out and hurt someone with my words."
"Oh Dec. We want to help you so that your not Sad and tired."
"But what if I hurt you in the process?"
"Then we will forgive you."
"But what if I cant forgive myself?"
"Well you are going to have to look past that, because not everything is always going to line up for you. The snow doesn't plow itself Dec."
Dec sighed and leaned into hug Ant and they stood in each other's arms until Ant pulled away.
"Why dont you come downstairs and we can talk to Ali about all of this, Eh?"
Dec looked at him and bit his bottom lip.
"Okay I will try, she is a lot scarier than you though."
Ant chuckled and smiled, causing Dec to smile as well.
"Alright Dec, you can do this. I will be there to back you up. If you don't know what to say just ask me."
"But wouldn't she notice?"
"No. We can mind read. Remember?"
"Oh yeah..."
"Come on."
Ant put an arm around Dec's shoulder and the two of them made their way downstairs.
They were welcomed to the lounge by the sounds of sobbing. This caught Dec's attention in particular. A look of guilt flashed across his drained features. Ant wanted to comfort Dec but he couldn't say 'It's not your fault', because it kind of was. Ant nudged Dec forward encouragingly following not too far behind. Ali looked up and wiped her tears away quickly and putting on a fake smile. Dec sat down and took Ali's hand in his. Ali looked bewildered, but when she saw Ant she understood. Dec looked at Ali with love and guilt.
"I'm so sorry Al, I've been so selfish."
"No you haven't-"
"Yes Ali, I have."
"But-"
"Just listen to me alright?"
"Okay."
"I-I pushed you away when you needed me the most, I was selfish, I was afraid. I thought that it would be better for you if you weren't close to me. I was wrong, it is about you as well and from now on I will try not to push you two away alright?"
Ali didn't say anything, she just reached out to hug Dec and the two of them clung to each other like a monkey and It's banana. Ant stood smiling at the pair and backed away towards the Front door Dec looked over at and from were his head was perched on Ali's should and smiled.
'Thank you.'
'My pleasure. I best be getting back to Anne, she is expecting me to go to the grocery store with her soon. Love ya mate.'
'Promise to text with you later. Love you too.'
Ant and Dec smiled at each other and right as Ali began to pull away from Dec, Ant turned and walked swiftly out the door and on to the porch. Ant took a deep breath of the cold late October air before beginning to walk down to the coffee place where he could call a taxi. Things were getting back on track, and it was only a matter of time before life would be as normal as before.