A Time of Love within this Blackened Land

Jake - February 20

Katie was not the only one to be greeted with bad news back home. Josh has only gotten worse in the past two days and he has barely shown up to rehearsals - in fact, according to Sam, he almost didn't go out of his room at all.

As soon as I finish the call with Katie, I go up to Josh's room, glass of water in hand, ready to wake him up from his nap. This conversation can't wait. When I open the door, I see him sitting on his bed scribbling something on a notebook.

"I didn't want to decide on anything before talking to you, Jake," Josh says not bothering with a 'hello'. It's as if he has read the question on my mind.

"Are you kidding me? Look at you! The bags under your eyes are darker than mine, which is not normal, and you voice... your voice is just a whisper!"

Josh looks down and shakes his head. "But you were so excited about these shows. And you trusted me."

"This is not a matter of trust, Josh! I can't believe this. This is not up to me to decide! Why didn't Aaron take the decision? Isn't he the one who's supposed to look after you? After us?"

"I asked him not to... it's not his f-"

"Don't even finish that sentence," I cut him off. "I don't care what you told him or what my opinion was before leaving. I'm not a doctor and I'm not the manager of the band. Whatever I say, I say as a member of the band and, most importantly, as your brother. Mike would have done something about it as soon as he knew how bad this was." I take both hands to my head and start pacing the room. Maybe if I hadn't just had that conversation with Katie, I wouldn't take this so seriously. Or maybe I would?

"I'm sorry. I'll ask him to cancel as soon as possible."

When Josh apologizes, I notice that I'm focusing my anger on the wrong person. "Nothing to be sorry about. Go back to sleep, you need to rest. I'll... talk to Aaron."

An hour later there is a text online explaining that the European shows have been postponed due to health related issues.

"Was it really that hard to do that?" I snap at Aaron, who is sitting on the chair in front of mine.

Everyone else left the studio as soon as they found out we were postponing the shows. Aaron and I are alone in the room and the tension between us is more than evident.

"Well... it was not simple," he says in a clear attempt to fuel my anger.

I breathe in, refusing to knuckle under his taunting. "Are you really sure you know what you're doing, man? Because we can always ask Mike to come back, yunno."

"I am. Thanks for the offer, though." It looks as if he's done talking but just when I'm about to get up and leave, he goes on. "What is the deal with that Mike?" he asks before a cheeky smile escapes his lips. "Does he happen to be the mysterious lover from your romantic getaway?"

"If you think you can hurt me by implying I'm gay, I want you to know that there is only one of us who should be ashamed of that comment. Hint: it's not me."

He snorts. "Whatever, Jacob. I don't know what Mike would have done but I was just trying to be nice to your brother. For whatever fucked up reason, he wanted to consult you first. That's it. Big deal."

"It is a big deal! There is a lot at stake here."

"Would you calm down? There is nothing at fucking stake here. I wouldn't have let him sing anyway, I just wanted him to think that he had a voice in this." He stops to think for a second. "Ha! A voice."

"Is that supposed to be funny? What is wrong with you?" For the first time since I met him, I'm really considering that this guy left a couple screws in the womb. "I didn't just mean we're risking a blessed set of vocal chords. You should have published it as soon as you knew we weren't playing the shows at least out of respect for the fans."

"Do you really think so much of you? They don't care if they have to wait for you a couple more months."

And with these words I finally realize how immerse in his own little world this man is. "You don't get it, right? Some of them leave their saving on tickets to be there, some take flights. They spend money and time on us."

"I guess so," he says as he writes something on his phone, looking unconcerned. After some seconds of silence he lifts his chin up to look me in the eye. "What's done is done, Jake. Something else I can help you with?"

I just stand up and leave, taking my phone out of my pocket on the way up and looking for Mike's number.

"Jake? I was about to call you. I just saw the post on yo-"

"Are you home?" I need to see him and tell him about what just happened. And I need something else. "Can you do me a favour?"

If there is one positive thing in all this mess, it is that we'll have some much needed free time. We can't play shows and we can't rehearse. We can only write and create, and we can do that anywhere in the world. It would be a shame if those plane tickets went to waste. She said maybe we are just an Australia thing? Okay, then. I'm thinking at least one of those tickets can be put to better use.