Everything is Fine

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by Rose_4_you

by Rose_4_you

Everything Is Fine; Is what I say to myself at 3 am when I go for a drive so I won't wake my roommates up with my breakdown.

Everything Is Fine; Is what I say when I am trying to see through my blurred vision and broken mind.

Everything Is Fine; Is what I try to convince myself when I realize that I need to get home because it is now 5 am and the sun is rising.

Everything Is Fine; Is what I say to calm myself down before I go back into my home. I tell myself that the sun has risen and the stars will twinkle later tonight. That I will have a good day and...and...

And I feel like Everything Is NOT Fine. Like everyone else is fine but I am the only one who is broken and damaged and so I say Everything Is Fine when I just want to yell out: I AM NOT FINE.

That I am slowly drowning in my self pity and I only have the remains of what used to be my self esteem. But when I tell people that I am drowning in the deep end, they either tell me to just stand up or gift me encouraging words but that doesn't help me swim in the deep end! It only makes me doubt why I can't swim.

So I say I am fine; That their words helped me; That I am doing better; That Everything Is Fine but in reality I being dragged deeper and deeper into me self pity until I give up on learning how to swim and I look around the dark depths, lonely and forgotten....

Until I see others.

I see some who have learned to swim. Some who don't want help. Some who are way too small to down here. Some who couldn't handle it. Some who have yet to see the others. And some who keep helping others but not helping themselves.

And I realize that I may not be fine. But I am not alone. That I may not know how to swim but I can learn how to float. So I tell others to float until they can be taught how to swim and I keep telling more and more people until I realize that I still can't swim and all I am doing is being sucked deeper and deeper into the water.

But I just think that I need to help others so that they can one day say "Everything is Fine" And mean it.