Writing's Second Taste

Chapter Thirty-Two: Clear Path

Justin blinked at me through the screen and I pouted towards him, hugging my pillow tighter to my chest, "Say something!"

"While I do agree that it's nice that you're giving him the chance and being sensitive to his feelings and his friendship..." he trailed off before his eyebrows scrunched up in concern, "But all I got from that was what he would feel, it's as if you never thought about how you've been so confused and worried the whole time."

"I think the reason why I called you was because I know for myself that I'm confused and worried," I deadpanned.

He sighed, running a hand through his brown hair, "What I mean is, you're too scared of hurting him when you, yourself, are currently hurting."

I casted my gaze downwards, back to my fuzzy purple socks as if they were my saving grace. I picked on a piece of lint because to be completely honest, I had no idea how to respond to that.

Obviously I didn't outright say to Justin that I still loved him, though I had a huge hunch that he knew that already. I went through a whole tirade though but I left out specific names, the little secret that Heart Valentine was the famed best friend wasn't something for me to blab.

"What happened to my banana?" he spoke softly, his words wrapped so tenderly, "Where's the spark in her eyes?"

She extinguished it herself.

"I miss you," I murmured, looking at his bespectacled face, "Sorry I bothered you."

He shrugged, a small smile on his lips, "I get to see and talk to you so I think this was a win in every way."

Finally, I grinned full before breaking into a laugh. Somehow, this heavy feeling flew away from my chest and I was suddenly back in front of him, like an ocean didn't separate us. For this small moment, he sat in front of me and not through the computer screen.

And that was when it settled in me that I have never loved someone as much as I did him.

He was the sparkle in my eyes, he ignited my spirit, he made me fearless.

"Thanks Justin," I said, "I'll call again soon."

He nodded, that joyful expression still there, "You better and take care of yourself, Sienna."

"I will."

When his face disappeared, I was left to stare at the blank screen. My shoulders slumped and I leaned back against my headboard, just thinking of how I should approach this.

It was really a jerkass move but Justin was right, instead of being consumed by that giddy feeling, all I could think of was worry and guilt. Adam did make me feel some sort of special way, those weren't empty kiss or cold embraces.

But it just wasn't the same.

I changed windows and opened up my manuscript. I managed to catch up with the sketchbook so it was pretty up to date with the happenings.

I scrolled up towards the first chapters and read through them, just how confused my thoughts were. Yet, Adam cleared all of that up and made me smile once again. Sadly, we couldn't find that same glimmer in our relationship.

Taking a deep breath, I scrolled towards the very last page and cracked my knuckles – this was going to be a very long night.

I just kept on writing, my fingers tapping rapidly against the keyboard, hearing it clack with every hit. My eyes switched from the black keys towards the bright screen, watching as letter by letter appeared with my movements. This rush, I've missed it so much because for once, I wasn't glancing towards a sketchbook every now and then.