Second Self

Chapter 5

"There is a sacredness in tears." Washington Irving

Three short raps on my bedroom door woke me. I flipped over my phone and saw that it was only five o'clock in the morning. "Wake up, Rory," Thirza called. Her voice sounded raspier than usual.

My eyes drifted to the figure sprawled on the floor, drawn by the sound of deep breathing. I glanced at the door and sighed, knowing Thirza was going to be angry. The thought of telling Casper to hide in the closet crossed my mind, but I knew there'd be no point to it. If she was knocking this early, it could only mean she already knew. Stepping inside the room, she barely seemed to notice that Casper was on my floor. I was expecting her to start yelling. Her silence was unnerving.

Casper sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Maybe you should go to your room," Thirza said to him. An unspoken message passed between them, perhaps conveyed through the wringing of her hands or the quick darting of her eyes. Casper stood behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders as if preparing to catch me. Thirza reached out and closed her hands around mine. Her touch made the muscles in my forearms twitch. I hated the fact that being touched by her felt like punishment.

"You need to get packed," Thirza said to me. "Your parents are on their way."

"Because Casper slept on my floor? That isn't fair! You called them before you even knew for sure he was in my room? Before you visually confirmed it? You're blaming me for something that takes two people? Casper broke the rules too. I don't see you telling him to pack. Blame the girl. Typical," I said hotly.

Thirza carefully enunciated my name, while squeezing one of my hands between her own. The sounds that should be as familiar to me as my own breathing suddenly reminded me of boots crunching on broken glass. "This isn't about Casper being in my room?" I said.

"It's not my place," Thirza answered.

"Seriously? After frightening me, you're going to make me wait to find out why I'm in trouble?" Tension tightened across my forehead, and a dark tunnel narrowed my vision.

"You're not in trouble," Thirza whispered.

"Even though I have a boy on my floor," I said, wincing as my stomach twisted. "What else could have you knocking on my door at five o'clock in the morning?"

"Your brother—" Thirza stopped.

"You permitted us to visit him. You can't deny giving us permission just because someone is giving you trouble."

"That isn't it," Thirza said, her lip quivering. "

"Then what is it?" I shouted. Drake's bed creaked. I imagined him getting up, creeping to his bedroom door, and eavesdropping on our drama.

"I asked them not to tell me about the problem when they called. I didn't want to end up in this situation. This week was supposed to be an easy way to build my resume," Thirza said as if to herself.

I held my breath, waiting for her to continue. "I'm sorry," she finally said. "Your parents told me the reason they are coming is that your brother has passed away."

Casper's fingers on my shoulders felt like vices. Thirza's face blurred. From the moment my eyes had opened, nothing had made sense. A sharp jab to my stomach doubled me over. "I am so sorry to be the one telling you this," Thirza said.

"You're wrong. Casper and I saw him yesterday. He was fine. Young people don't just die in the middle of the night for no reason," I said breathlessly.

"There was an empty pill bottle next to his bed," Thirza said.

"In a place where half the residents have probably thought about suicide, you're telling me they don't keep their medications secured?" I shouted.