Second Self

Chapter 6

"Well, it's no use talking about waking him," said Tweedledum, "when you're only one of the things in his dream. You know very well you're not real."   Lewis Carroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass

"Last night I lost the world, and gained theuniverse."    C. JoyBell C.

"You won't make yourself a bit realer by crying," I muttered to myself, repeating words that Tweedledee had said to Alice while she was travelling through Wonderland. The world had taken many opportunities to tell me the opposite. I'd been programmed to believe that when faced with tragedy, tears were the only convincing evidence of humanity as if being another species was an option. Now I knew it might be.

Whether or not I shed tears, I was real. My muscles burned, proving I was real. Casper brushed his hand against my arm, and I scurried away. I was as real as my fear. I was not a part of someone else's nightmare. Some nebulous entity awakening from a long slumber would not make me disappear.

"I'm sorry for startling you," Casper whispered. I glanced over my shoulder to see him crouched in the center of the room.

"This is getting to be a pattern," I said, pulling my knees up to my chest and rocking. "How long was I blacked-out this time?"

"I don't know. That man, Denovo, announced over a speaker that there's a shock system in this room. It felt a little redundant, considering he'd already used it to electrocute me. Apparently, we've been breathing an aerosolized substance he claims can be activated by that thing on the ceiling to cause us pain." He pointed at a black disk attached to the ceiling.

Surface tension holding a pool of tears in place under my eyes shattered, sending a cascade of tears flowing down my cheeks. "Great," I hiccupped, "I finally react appropriately to an emotional situation, and none of the people who've accused me of being a robot are here to bear witness. Denovo used my brother as an experiment to prove they could kill humans without repercussions."

Casper stared wide-eyed at me for a moment, blinked, and shuffled closer. I held out a hand to stop him. "Rory, please," he whispered.

"My family...what's left of my family—" I stopped short. If I let myself think about what they must be going through, I might not be able to climb back out of that hole.

"I'm confused. I know you're upset, but please, tell me what's going on. Why are you angry with me?"

Denovo's words echoed in my mind. Was it possible that Casper was Denovo's trained dog? The membrane that separated Incepterrene from Earth actively prevented humans from retaining the knowledge of what was on the other side, yet Casper had remembered things when I hadn't. Did that mean Casper's ignorance was an act? Was it possible that he's been a tool to manipulate me all this time? I felt something snap inside my brain. "Drop the act!" I screamed at Casper. "You're just like that guy at school who pretended to like me on a dare. I think you might be worse. Stay away from me!"

Casper's eyebrows climbed in surprise. "You believe what that guy said? He kidnapped us! How can you still believe anything he has to say?"

"He's right. After all the years that you barely noticed my existence, there's no way you decided that I'm the one you want."

"That's what you think happened?" Casper said with a laugh. "Rory, I've liked you for years. I remember the first time I saw you—"

"Save that stuff for the movies. It was years ago. You could feed me any lie, and I wouldn't know the difference."

"You were covered in bruises. It was the first day of seventh grade, and my first day in a school away from my home village. I remember feeling guilty for being glad at least one person had more problems than me."