A Married Mans Pawn

Prologue

Picture of first boyfriend above^^^^^

I remember old times like they were yesterday. I remember the day I had gotten my first boyfriend. I had liked him for a while really, maybe a month of so. He was sweet, kind. funny and he was just the most amazing person I had ever met compared to a lot of other I had known from previous occasions my parents made me attend.

Even though it was 10 years ago, I can still remember how we were in high school and he approached me, the gleaming looking in his bright green eyes and the smile on his face that showed off his dimples, and the way his dirty blonde hair had been styled in a messy bed head way but still somehow looks perfect.

I even remember the date. November 19th, 1999.

He had asked me out to a show that was happening the next night, Saturday, the school play. It was about two star crossed lovers. a modern version of Romeo and Juliet if you will.

I had always wondered, to this day, how he knew I had wanted to see that. I had asked him so many times how he knew and he had only smiled and told me he was a great guesser, but really I wonder if he had overheard me. In high school I wasn't the quietest person, unlike now.

I used to stand in a hallway that he used to walk through every morning and I wonder if he had overheard my awkward stories and how I said that I had to attend a banquet for my fathers co-workers the opening night of the play.

I remember as he asked me out my heart pounded in my chest and my breathing hitched in my throat as if someone were squeezing their fist around it and cutting off the oxygen, except that wasn't at all the case. It was surprise. A great one indeed.

I had never talked to him before than. We only saw each other every day, knew others names from conversations or stories of classmates and the fleeting and quick glances we had secretly shared every morning.

I also remember that I had hoped the date would go well so that we could maybe go get lunch before Thanksgiving break and than maybe we could hang out together at the thanksgiving football game, against our rivals, Kingswood.

I had almost gone there actually. My parents are in the upper middle class or ever lower upper class if you will. I didn't act like others in my "class", not as proper, not as agreeable, not as wanting and needy.

Some of them wanted riches and didn't care about love, well actually most of all of them. They just didn't care. My parents almost sent me there but I wanted to be normal. I wanted a normal life and to get into college the normal way instead of getting in just because I was rich and well known in Kingswood.

I wanted to instead go through Lemont High, and as you might have guessed, from the country side city of Lemont.

It was beautiful there. Everyone was so much better than all those snobby rich kids that I had used to grow up with.

I remember what caught my eye was that he was different than all other guys I had met, I think that's why I liked him and fell so hard for him as time had passed.

I remember our first kiss was on New Year's Eve as the ball dropped and snow fell all around us, covering us in white fluff. I remember he insisted to stand outside and watch the ball drop from outside as it snowed. Know I know why. It was magical.

I remember everything was going so well too. But I remember that out of nowhere on one dark night, it was cold and misty, it was the next February not the one after that November, the one following that, February 11th, 2001 to be exact.

We had just finished a movie at the town cinema in the square and he walked me home. I remember I got to the doorstep and gave him a hug and he had a sad look in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong and I remember his exact words.

"I think it's time we end things. Severe all the ties between us. . . It's over." than I remember he quickly turned and walked down my front porch steps, never turning back.

I remember the frozen tears that ran down my face as I stood on the veranda. This is the moment in my life that I will always regret, I never tried to stop him, I just let him go, let him walk away from me and everything we had had together, all that we had built and created.

What was even worse was that I had fallen truly, madly and deeply in love with him and it broke my heart to see him go, to not turn back, not even to say goodbye, as I ran back into my house and up into my room. I never got over that heartbreak and I don't think I ever will. It will always haunt me for the rest of my life.

And I never knew the reason why he ended it either. It came so suddenly that I never had time to think or see why he ended it. There had been nothing wrong with our relationship, if there was he would've said something to me like he did once before at the beginning. He said to me:

"Promise to never lie to me and I promise to never lie to you."

I had tried to text and call after he left but I went straight to voicemail every time. As every day and week went past, instead of growing fainter, the feelings dying away, they started to eat away at my heart, my soul, and who I was as a person.

After that I tried to fill the ever growing hole inside me. I put myself out there more, not because I wanted to get a new guy or meet a new fling, all the time, I wanted to get invited to parties. That was the only place that hole was filled at least a little.

Compared to others who were over there ex in a month tops it had been three months for me and I still wasn't over it. I was a sophomore in college anyways so I needed some experiences, but I still looked for him.

It was like he vanished from the face of the earth. I only heard how he was doing but other than that, nothing. The hallway where we used to lock eyes every day was only half of what it used to be. I used to stand there every day hoping he'd walk back down that hallway. Back for me. But he never did again. I was alone.

I heard how he was doing but I never saw him. Only once or twice when my friend Gwen, who had higher up parents like me, had found where he had hung out in the morning and we decided to walk by a couple times just so I could see him, hoping that seeing him would fill the gaping hole in my chest.

It worked for awhile, until once again he vanished. Never for me to see
him again, even in any of my senior classes.

Closer to the end of college, junior year, I calmed down a bit but I still partied pretty hard. I drank and was going to clubs and occasionally my parents got a phone call telling them they needed to come pick me up, they weren't to happy.

I almost got kicked out of the dorms actually. I was really close too but with my dads influence and a bribe they let me stay.

Everything was so messed up in my life. A lot of guys had asked if they would be allowed to "bang" me. that term disgusts me. I feel like they're telling me I'm a nail and they're gonna hit me over the heard with a hammer.

I almost did once, almost. I was just so tired of being alone. By than I had forgotten about him all those years ago, I couldn't remember why I still felt so much pain. The pain had numbed form drinking and partying but it still wasn't the same as before.

Everything went even more downhill from there. One night I got arrested, I didn't do anything but they put me in a holding cell for drinking at a party underage even though my birthday was coming up in a month or so.

That was the last straw for my parents. They made me drop out of college, even though I secretly finished my degree online, and I was forced to do something unimaginable, something terrible.

I was forced to marry a man I had just met who was just like all the people I had hated all my life even though I was daughter to two of them. A filthy rich snob.

A man who made me feel so miserable that i began to remember all the happier times in life. All the times that I spent with my first boyfriend, my first love, the one I never got over.

I would do anything to see him again. Anything at all, maybe with my husbands money and influence I can find him, but I may not.

My name is Nicolette Hanson and my past is what makes my life suck.