Dear Zayn (Ziall Horlik) *HIATUS*

44.

*Niall's POV*

I was at home alone. Everybody suddenly had something to do which left Niall to be all by himself. Niall doesn't appreciate that nobody wants to hang out with him. And Niall finds it extremely creepy he's thinking in the third person but still Niall is upset about the being alone thing.

I'd hangout with Edward before I just stay here and be alone. Then there was a knock at the door. I was excited so I ran to the door and opened it. It was Zayn. I tried closing the door but he pushed against me.

"Leave before I call the cops." I said.

He backed me up against a wall. "Why won't you just fucking listen to me?" He growled in my face and I was honestly petrified.

I pushed him away gently so he wouldn't hit me. He jumped back closer to me and I almost cried throwing my hands up so he wouldn't hit my face. I whimpered and he took a step back.

"Stop making me try and look like the bad one. I care about you and the damn choices you make." He yelled at me.

I started to cry but didn't say anything because I was still afraid he'd hit me. It's not like I'm a little bitch or something because I used to box and things but as much as I dislike Zayn I still wouldn't physically hurt him. I love him to much. And I may sound stupid but that's what love does.

"Look at me when I'm fucking speaking to you. " he did and I dropped my hands hesitantly to look at him.

"Why won't you listen to me? Huh? Do you think I'm wrong? You think you know Harry better than me?" He asked.

"Why do you care?" I whimpered. "We're not friends anymore. I was a 'good fuck' remember. People who aren't friends don't give each others advice and that's why I'm not listening to you." I whimpered.

"I made a mistake alright. You weren't just a good fuck. I fucking love you and I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry and I'd wish you stop being mad at me so I can fucking have my best fringe back." He yelled at me.

"Well I guess that's why I didn't want to hear your apology. Because I don't think I just want to be friends with you and because I can't I don't want to be anything with you. I rather you be with me than for you to just be my best friend with what occasional sex? I'm not your fucking toy Zayn. I have feelings okay." I told him and he looked like he was ready to hit me but I was SOOO wrong.

All I know was that his lips were on mines moving against them. I moved them against his even if it was only for the spare of the moment. I forgave him through that kiss, I stop being mad with that kiss. I just melted. Call me weak, hell I am.

He grabbed my waist pulling me closer to him and my arms flew around the back of his neck. His tongue swiped over my bottom lip and I gave him entrance. No need to play games in this type of situation.

He grabbed my waist pulling me even closer smacking our groins together. His hands then grabbed my bum squeezing it. He pulled away a bit to breath. He pushed me back against the wall start to kiss my neck.

"Uhhhh." I let out a high pitched girly moan.

It felt so good but I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back.

"What are you doing?"
I asked him.

"I'm making a decision to be with you now let me kiss you." He said getting closer.

I pushed him away. "Are you serious?" I asked him because I don't like jokes like these.

"Yes I am serious. Now please let me kiss you I've missed you so much." He said getting closer once again.

He pushed his lips against mines kissing me roughly my hands traveled to his back going under his shirt. He start kissing my neck again. He found my sweet spot biting down on it. I squirmed a bit as he licked it. He start trying to take off my shirt but I stopped him pushing him away a bit.

"I'm putting you on probation. We can't do sexual things anymore until I want to." I told him and he nodded.

"And plus I have to see if this is real so you just now apologizing doesn't mean make up sex. You try and wow me with being a gentleman and being caring." I told him and he nodded.

"And even though Perrie is the bitchest bitch of all bitches, you need to tell hat that you want to leave her and you need to be gentle." I told him. "She's a girl, no offense to girls but they're more sensitive than guys and because she's extremely clingy its going to be awful. But you can't comfort her because that's like a physical back handed compliment." I told him and he nodde grabbing my chin.

"I'll do anything for you." I told me and I hugged him.

"Thank you and if you are lying I will kill you." I told him serious and he kissed my forehead.

"I've been so lonely without you." I told him.

"Really?" He asked.

"No." I said. "So when are you breaking it off with Perrie?" I asked him and he scratched the back of his neck.

"Can you give me no less than two weeks?" He asked.

"Yeah I still want to love Harry just a bit longer and I don't really want to hurt him." I said and he seemed to get mad.

"Do you remember when you guys broke up and you cried in my arms." He said raising his voice a bit.

"Yeah I do but I never knew why we broke up." I said.

"Oh what was it then." He said rolling his eyes.

"He didn't want to be hurt because he knew I loved you." I said to him.

He looked shocked at first. "Yeah." I told him going into my room and he followed.

"Well I shouldn't be quick to judge him." He said and I sat on the bed.

Yeah he's your mate. Anyways why would you pick me over him anyway he's your best mate. But I didn't dare say it.

"Can you leave?" He asked.

"Why?" He asked.

"Please just leave I need to be alone to think things over." I told him and he kissed my forehead and left quietly.

How is Zayn just going to come back in my life just by kissing me to death. It's unfair. I love him but I love harry to. Me and Zayn just made up not officially but yeah Harry has talked to me and cuddled with me even we've had some intimate times. He was there and I found out the real reason as to why he left me. That was so sweet of him and even if I was hurt for a little while he was hurt for a long time. It's just I'm so confused. Zayn has hit me. I could have kicked his ass but I love him to much but I don't want to always be put in a situation where I make him mad and he hits me and I don't do anything back because my feelings for him.

So if I feel as if I love him to much to not put my hands on him then he would think the same and not do it. But he is so does that mean he doesn't love me as much as I do. Apparently not. I don't wanna be in a abusive relationship. Even if it is with Thee Zayn Malik. And then Harry. He's just been there for me a lot, after the splitting of me and Zayn and even when we first met. I-I just can't do this right now. I need to stop thinking so much before I get a headache.