Misery Loves Company (H.Styles Fanfic)

chapter 23

Chapter 23

"Is that what you want, Elena?" he asks furiously, shouting so loud that the vein in his neck is popping out. "If all you want is to fucking go outside, go. I don't give a fuck. Act like a kid and go play in the grass if that's what makes you happy."

He doesn't get it, does he? I walk around the kitchen and join him near the door. The fresh whiff of nature hits my barely covered skin and blows my short hair to the side. Oh God, this feels so good. "Go," he repeats, pointing his forefinger towards the backyard. I can hear the birds humming and the leaves blowing. There are even cars on the other side of the plant-covered walls. It smells so good, a mixture of flowers and rain and earth. Even the pollution smells good. I consider going, it isn't like I could escape anyway: the entire house is surrounded by walls and fences. But it would feel so good just to place one foot in the grass and feel its bristles tickling my toes.

Some of the wind hitting my skin, however, is Harry's breath on my face. His chest is moving rapidly with the speed of his breathing. "Why aren't you going?" he complains, throwing his arms desperately in the air.

"Because this isn't my point, Harry! You're avoiding everything I just asked," I cry, fiercly closing the door in self defense. "This just shows how much you know nothing about me. If you did, you would know that I don't hate you. I just need..." I can't think of what I need. I need too many things, yet I need him more right now. Why? I don't even know.

I start crying helplessly again, standing vulnerably in front of him. Why is it so confusing? Why can't things be simple and emotions clearer? I cry for what seems like hours, but is probably just a minute or two. Harry watches me, I can feel his eyes digging into me, but I can't look at him. "I just need to understand why I'm here. It's been so long and all I do is cause trouble. All we do is fight, it isn't like you're using me as your girlfriend. I'm bored, I'm tired, and when you're not fucking raping me or hitting me, we fight. I would be better off dead at this point."

"No!" Harry screams and instinctively throws the keys with all his strength. They fly across the room and hit the wall so hard that a small hole has pierced through the plywood. My heart races in my chest when I realize that if he ever hit me with such force, I would die instantly and painlessly. Wouldn't that be a good thing? "Don't you ever say that again, understood?" His hand grips my arm but not hard enough to hurt me. He just wants my attention before he continues. "You're here because I want you here. I don't care if we fight, I don't care if you don't talk to me. I'd rather have you pissed at me than not have you at all."

"But why?" I ask in a sob. He stopped shouting and his face has visibly softened but it isn't enough to make me trust him at this point. I just can't stand this. One minute he's raged up and a second later he's calmed down.

Pulling me close to him, I automatically wrap my arms around his body and give in to his embrace in order for him not to punish me over my rebellious actions. I've pushed it far enough for the day, I can't cross the limits. "Do you remember that afternoon, it was a cold day in January and you were wearing a dark red coat on top of a knitted jumper. You were walking back from class, you had books piled up in your arms and your laptop bag across your shoulder." His voice is extremely slow, very precise, as he replays the day in his head. "You saw me that day, I know you did. Gosh, Elena. You were so beautiful, I had to stop myself from walking towards you and just talk to you."

I remember that day, it was the third time I'd ever seen him. He was wearing his leather coat and was standing across the street from my dormitory. I knew he had been watching me. "Why didn't you?" I whisper, remembering him not moving the slightest bit to engage in a conversation.

"I'd just gone through a difficult..." he stops thoughtfully, "situation. But that day, out of all the people walking on the street, I realized that I had been to LA several times just to see you. How creepy is that?"

Extremely creepy.

He chuckles to himself but goes on. "You don't know me either, and I'm happy about that. If you knew everything from the press, you'd be even more terrified than you are now. But from the look you gave me, I knew you knew nothing."

"What does this have to do with our fighting?"

"I want to know what your favorite colour is, or your favorite movie so we can watch it. Your hobbies too, so we can have fun. I want to know what your major is, but also all your classes. And not just your best friend's name, but all your friends' names and the members of your family." He kisses my hair and rubs my back soothingly. "I want to know why you stayed up seven nights to wait for me when I finally had the courage to give you some space. Or why you kept all my letters when you could have ignored them completely. Or why in the world you've only tried to escape once when you had several occasions when you could've."

I want to smile but I can't. Many words come to my mind that I would love to tell him, but silence keeps me from speaking. I will take those three words to the grave if I have to. Instead, after a long moment of silence from both sides, I simply say, "I'm hungry," which earns me a small laugh from Harry. He wipes his eyes from the building tears and leads us back to the table. Our food has probably gotten slightly cold now, but it doesn't matter. However, just as Harry prepares himself to sit, I gather my courage to ask him something. "Could we possibly eat outside?"

From the way his eyes snap towards me, then to the door, and finishing up to the food, I know he considers saying no. But with the emotions and exhaustion we've just been through, both of us need fresh air to think properly. So with a nod, he picks up both of our plates while I go for our drinks and we meet outside around the patio table.

Even if most of our view is a large wall, it feels amazing to see the sun and the sky, and to feel the breeze it it provides. We eat silently with the wind blowing on our faces. I could be a lot happier right now, but I guess what I'm feeling will do. It's a mixture of happiness and anger, something indescribable, with a hint of sadness. Too much confusion in one small body like mine. It definitely isn't healthy.

"I know I said we couldn't be friends," I say, remembering absently something I'd said to him a couple of days after he kidnapped me. "But I'm willing to try to be something close to a friend if you stop treating me badly."

Harry smiles while he chews on his food. "I promise to you that I will try. I can't promise you I will for sure, 'cause I don't want to break another promise. But I will definitely try."

Trying isn't enough, but I'll take what he has to offer. I feel completely sick and mental to even believe him the slightest, but I have nothing to lose at this point. "Okay," I whisper, agreeing to his words with a nod.

"Now, how about we play a game of twenty questions?

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Hope you enjoy The chapter!
I'm sorry it's short but i'm updating on My phone and have to study since i have exams so i hope you guys understand (:

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-katexx