The In Between

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

Tara

 

I hear my mom in the kitchen making coffee and glance at my clock. It’s only 7 a.m., but I’m too excited-nervous-happy to sleep. I get out of bed and race to my window, pulling aside the sea foam green curtains. The sky is crystal clear. I take a deep breath, relieved—and then I’m back to feeling so jittery it’s ridiculous. I have never spent a full day with Justin and the Awesome-Nots before. I feel like I’m about to go on a trip to a foreign country and the GPS is in some language I don’t understand.

My mom doesn’t usually work on Sundays but she swapped with another nurse so she could go to the party yesterday. When I go downstairs, she’s in her hospital scrubs, finishing up her black coffee and a croissant slathered in butter and cherry preserves, one of her few indulgences. She’s big on self-discipline, which doesn’t make her overwhelmingly understanding of when I accidentally eat too many cookies. She’s also not big on me having caffeine so I wait until she leaves to finish the half a mug she left in the pot. I pour a lot of milk in it, though. I don’t know how she drinks this stuff plain. I open the refrigerator door and stare at the contents.

I still don’t know what to bring. Justin used to love P B & J – with Nutella – so I make that, giving in to the nostalgia. Not that we’re going to share sandwiches anymore. I stuff it into the bottom of my backpack.

When eleven o’clock finally rolls around, Meg is eating cereal while watching TV in the living room (so not allowed), and I’ve been milling around in my best two-piece under my shorts and t-shirt for a good three hours. I don’t know if 11 o’clock means 11:00 sharp or 11-ish.

Meg knows where I’m going and more importantly with whom, so she keeps looking at me like she’s taking notes or something on how to be cool. I want to tell her that the condition is temporary. That this could very well be a pity invite from the Awesome-Nots.

11:05. A lawn mower hums a few houses down, then stops. A few cars drive by without slowing. My heart leaps then sinks every time.

11:10. I snap at Meg to clean up her stuff before Mom gets home or we’ll both be in trouble.

11:15. Justin has forgotten all about it. Or never meant it to begin with. I’m an idiot.  Of course, he didn’t mean it. It was just one of those things guys toss off.

11:30. Tears begin to well up in my eyes. I contemplate calling Gabby to rail about what a jerk Justin is, but I don’t want to give her the satisfaction. Besides, I’m too hurt. And admitting it would only make it worse. I pick up a magazine, stare at it, fling it onto the table.  

Meg stares at me. “They’re not coming?”

I hate this day. I hate my life. I hate Justin.

It is almost 11:45 when I hear a car honk. I snap up, hope swelling despite myself. I race to the window and see Justin pulling up in his used Corolla. I grab my backpack and rush out, every bit of annoyance and doubt drained from my body.

The windows are rolled down and Justin sticks his head out, calling to me while I’m still a few feet away. 

“Hi Star.” No apology. Maybe he and the Awesome-Nots are on their own cool people time. He nods to the backseat, where Sally and Peter are sitting.

 Amanda’s sitting in the front seat, nestled close to Justin. I knew she’d be here. But knowing is one thing, and seeing is another. It’s like a bad splinter you can’t get out; it just jabs and jabs. I squeeze in next to Sally and watch as Amanda wraps her arm around Justin, her fingers playing with a curl at the nape of his neck. Next to me, Sally and Peter are all over each other; their fingers are intertwined and their faces are nearly touching. I look away before anything else is intertwined. The car’s already moving. I can’t think of an excuse to get out, to go home. What am I doing here? What did I think was going to happen?