The In Between

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Tara

I didn’t call Justin last night and Justin didn’t call me. But when I get to school, he’s waiting for me outside of homeroom. He doesn’t say he’s sorry, but he looks it.

When he meets me outside the cafeteria later, I send Gabby a warning text: today I’ll be sitting with the Awesome-Nots. Justin follows me with his cafeteria tray. I wave at Gabby and the newspaper crew and keep walking to the Awesome-Nots’ table. Justin stops me. “Hey, we can sit with your friends. I don’t care.”

“I do. I want to get to know your friends. We can switch off—okay?”

Everyone looks up surprised, especially Amanda.

I take a seat and open up my chocolate milk as if I sit with them every day. 

“I’m suddenly not hungry,” Amanda announces. I try to ignore her. Amanda’s never hungry. Her relationship with food is a long distance one. She leaves, abruptly taking Wayne with her. Lauren and Sally get up, too, a few seconds behind. But the rest of the guys stay.

I use my secret weapon—reporter skills—to get the guys talking. Lunch flies by in no time. The best part is catching Justin looking at me all grateful and loving. The fight—and Amanda—feels far behind us.

* * *

On the afternoon of the first soccer home game, I sit in the second row of the bleachers and watch Justin race down the field, his long, taut legs flying as he makes near-impossible passes, face set in determination, and muscles straining against his tanned skin. He knows when to move, when to pass, when to kick. It’s clear he’s hyper-focused; the rest of the world has melted away.

After the game I wait outside the locker room for him to change. He comes out freshly showered and happy, at ease and laughing with his teammates. He breaks off from the guys and comes over to kiss me hello.

“You were amazing,” I tell him.

He shakes his head modestly. “You’ve come to games before.”

“I know. But it’s different now.”  

“I loved looking over and seeing you sitting there,” he tells me with a smile that acknowledges we’re both being cheesy. 

“Of course I’m here. Where else would I be?”

He smiles. “Should we get some pizza and take it to the quarry?

* * *

They treat us as a couple at Garibaldi’s now. Every time I’m here I remember our first date when I wasn’t even sure it was a date, and then think of how far we’ve come since then. We sit in the corner and drink sodas while we wait, our feet tangling under the table.

When we get to the quarry, Justin pulls out a blanket and spreads it out in front of the gorgeous view. I settle onto the blanket, but Justin seems antsy.

“What?” I ask, nudging him playfully.

“I finished the Tara song,” he says.

“What!” I exclaim.

“One sec,” he says, scrambling to his feet and heading back toward the car.

He returns with his guitar. He’s nervous. It’s a different Justin than the one who just killed it on the soccer field or the one I’ve crushed on for all those years. It’s the one I like to think no one really knows but me.

He sings to me—he’s right—his voice isn’t perfect, but it’s soft and interesting. The song is beautiful. It’s deep and raw and a little sad even though he’s smiling. The words echo back through the quarry and through my body.

When he’s finished, he puts down the guitar and looks at me with a crooked, expectant smile. I don’t even know what to say. I’m overwhelmed.

“I can’t sing, I know,” he starts and shakes his head. “But Dylan couldn’t sing either, and—”

“It was beautiful,” I tell him. “You’re beautiful. I mean—thank you. I love it.”

I kiss him deeply. A kiss that says something I don’t say out loud: I don’t want to wait anymore.

“Justin,” I whisper. “Let’s—”

I don’t even have to finish the sentence. “Are you sure?” he asks, searching me. “But I thought you wanted to wait for a time when it’s more—”

“Perfect?”

I had this perfect picture of who Justin was. But the real Justin turned out to be so much better. I shake my head. I don’t want perfect. I want now. I want real. This feels right.

“This is perfect,” I say quietly. 

Justin smiles. “It is, isn’t it.”

He takes me in his arms, kissing me softly. We fall back against the ground, wrapped up in each other, sealing the words with our bodies. There is a split second when my stomach dips and time stands still. I’m a little scared, knowing this is one of those moments you can never change, that you can never take back. Justin looks at me, wide-eyed, and I understand that this is his first time, too. I don’t have to ask, I can just tell by the careful, searching way he touches me. I remember how he said we are forever linked and I feel it more than ever now, as we try to quiet our nerves and find our way, together.

Like everything else with us has been, it’s different than I expected. It hurts and then it doesn’t. It’s a burst of adrenaline and then the quietest calm I’ve ever felt. It’s a threshold, and on the other side, my love for him becomes more cemented than ever. That love feels like a tangible part of me now, coiling through neural pathways, pumping in my veins.

We hold onto each other for what must surely be the longest time. Justin sits up and reaches over me to pick up a jagged rock and. With the sharpest point, he carves a heart into the large slab of stone that’s next to us. He scrawls our initials inside the lopsided shape, and then he kisses me again.