Let her go

33

Ellie: alright, i know there's something going on with you and i won't just sit around and watch you go through it alone.

Cassie: i don't know what you're talking about. i'm fine.

Ellie: come on, Cas. you act fine for a bit and then you disappear for days and post depressing stuff on your Tumblr. i'm not blind.

Cassie: i don't know why you insist on being so stubborn. i just have a lot to study, i mean it's already october and midterms are coming up.

Ellie: please.

Ellie: Cassie.

Ellie: just be honest for once.

Cassie: i am.

Ellie: yeah, sure.

Ellie: there is no reason for you to lie to me. you can't lie to me. the excuses you think you're blinding me with might work with everyone else, but are pointless with me. i know you too well. whatever you think you're protecting me from, i've already faced it. so you can be honest and tell me you're not really fine.

Cassie: okay, you really wanna know the truth? i'm going numb, ellie. i don't care about anyone or anything anymore and it fucking terrifies me. are you happy now?

Ellie:

Ellie: i... i don't

Cassie: yeah, me neither.

Ellie: wait, i can help you. just give me a chance.

Cassie: you just don't get it, do you? there is no help, this is how it's gonna be from now on.

Ellie: well what do you expect me to do? Cassie, i've spent the last two weeks throwing tantrums and crying thinking i was the one who was selfish here.

Cassie: i'm sorry.

Ellie: answer my question. what can i do?

Cassie: nothing.

Ellie: so that's it? it's over, everything we've been through, our friendship?

Cassie: i guess so...

Cassie: i don't know what other option there is. you shouldn't put yourself through this anymore.

Ellie: yeah... so, is this gonna be our last conversation?

Cassie: life goes on, ellie, just promise me you'll remember that and you won't think about stupid things. i don't care if you hate me for this later, as long as you don't end up where i am. you don't deserve it.

Ellie: i promise. and, i know you can't promise the same, but you can promise to try. i hope you won't forget me.

Cassie: i won't, don't worry.

Cassie: i promise to try.

They had talked until late that night, neither one of them wanting to say goodbye first. Eventually, Ellie couldn't keep her eyes open anymore and went to bed. Shutting her phone off was tougher than usual. Cassie logged off her Facebook, but didn't turn off her computer. She stared at the radiating light of her screen, enveloped in a train of thought she herself couldn't distinguish.

She cast a glance in the direction of her balcony. The sky was pitch black. She thought back to a few weeks ago when she almost jumped.

Ellie would care.