Let her go

35

It was not easy, dealing with her personal issues and  with Ellie. Their "break up" had somehow morphed into a make up and Cassie wasn't ready to imagine all the new obstacles and fights they'd have to crash through. Ellie's birthday was a positive notion, but if we took into consideration all the unfamiliar new people Cassie would have to meet and attempt to mingle with during the celebration, it was nothing more than another stressful event to complete.

Cassie had no longer the adequate energy to battle her feelings of guilt and remorse for everything she said/did to Ellie. She couldn't be held responsible for continuously locking herself away from contact with the outside world. Some thoughts, when given power, become too overbearing to allow for anything else. The very last thing on Cassie's mind was respecting the terms of their reconciliation; which, aside from Cassie's personal requests which Ellie tried especially hard to indulge, included biasing Ellie's insecurities. Cassie was not to be so rough on her and was obligated to at least once in a while remind Ellie that she indeed meant something to someone, particularly to Cassie, and to make sure she received her fair share of support when needed.

Ellie was not the strong one, or the fine one here; her mind was just haunted to a lesser degree than Cassie's. But Ellie was in no way relieved of mental illness. Her insecurity manifested itself through every aspect of her life, whether it was school, friends, family or confidence. She often compared herself to a boat of issues, just waiting to be delivered. But the one insecurity that clashed particularly with Cassie's needs was that Ellie couldn't just not hear from someone for more than 2 days and not assume they were forgetting her, while as Cassie, on the other end, clearly craved those 2 days of peace.

Cassie was in no place to aid Ellie's insecurities, which had become quite severely omnipotent. Cassie's exterior was more than transparent to Ellie; she knew exactly what Cassie must've been going through now, but that didn't contribute to the suppression of her own troubles. Recently, Cassie hadn't been there for Ellie at all, even when Ellie would almost openly express the need for help. That was perhaps what hurt most.

The next 2 weeks of attempting to patch up their friendship had mostly relied on Ellie's efforts. Cassie couldn't and didn't care about it. It was not a place to vent her emotions and it wasn't contributing to her recovery and therefor it was nothing more than a bother. It seemed now that the only thing keeping them together was what they used to have.