The Wolverine & The Black Cat

12 // Make Peace With Your Violence

C H A P T E R   12 :   M A K E   P E A C E   W I T H   Y O U R   V I O L E N C E

"I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide

(...)

Don't want to let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't want to hide the truth

(...)

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I want to save their light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how"  

Ignoring Charles' calls after me, I ran out of his office. My body had to run to keep up with the thoughts in my head, I felt lost and trapped inside my own mind. I didn't know how to break free from the walls within, so I ran outside hoping fresh air would help. I inhaled the cold breeze of the morning and forced my brain to focus on my breathing, but the more I tried to relax the more stressed out I became.

My breaths started coming out heavily and strenuously and it was as if my throat was shranking and closing inside itself, as if a hand was grabbing it tightly. I gasped for air painfully and bent down, my hands on my knees. I tried to catch my breath but my heart was pounding in my chest and ears and I was on the verge of freaking out.

To be more precise, I was having a panick attack.

It had happened a few times before, but that didn't stop it from always being so horrible and terrifying. It was like I was drowning, suffocating and burning all at once.

I needed to move, I needed to get away from myself, I felt like a snake desperate to shed its skin.

Erratically and frantically I started running through the fields towards the forest. Fortunately most people were having classes inside so at least I didn't have to worry about unwanted attention. Oh how Karma was really such a--

I tripped over my own feet and my sight became blurry. My head was dizzy, and I was drunk. Drunk in my own pain. My eyes started to close and I knew sooner or later my conscience would be gone, and I almost sighed of relief. Numbness was better than overload.

My ears caught a faint noise of steps running behind me, but at that point I didn't know if I was imagining things or not. I felt stuck in a limbo, too far from everything, too close to me.

I tripped again, and this time I wouldn't fight to get up. I'd let myself fall, and fall and--

A pair of arms embraced me before I hit the ground. Firm hands grabbed my arms and steadied me, and I blinked several times to focus my vision. I saw traces of brown against tanned skin but my mind couldn't put two and two together. I felt million miles away from the world.

"Felicia." The person said in a tone of urgency. I felt hands shaking me slightly to keep me conscious, but I didn't want it. I wanted to pass out so agony would go away.

"Let me..." I mumbled. "Let me go..."

"No way." The person replied firmly. "Look at me, Felicia. Felicia, don't! Don't close your eyes."

The words made no sense. My brain refused to accept any logic, drowning under so many emotions. My eyes were flickering everywhere, and there was the voice trying to bring me back to life. Like the rope of a lifeguard.

"Felicia..." My eyes rolled one time and I tripped forward, but there were the arms again, preventing me from falling. My chest collided against the person's, and the impact made my eyes open and look up abruptly.