The Wolverine & The Black Cat

10 // Drink Me Away

C H A P T E R   10 :   D R I N K   M E   A W A Y

After an eventful first week at Xavier's School, I finally decided to take a look at Art's class. There were few students in the room when I walked in, and the teacher greeted me with a kind smile.

"You must be Felicia, right? Welcome."

I sat on one of the chairs, placing my notebook in front of me. It was a brand new one because there was no way I would bring my older ones to class: those pages were filled with my dreams and nightmares coming alive. Drawing had been a therapy for me in most of my worst days, but they were also a reminder of my pain. Being able to come here without hyperventilating was a sign of something getting better inside of me.

"Today I want you to draw something that tears you apart." The teacher announced, her enigmatic eyes looking at each one of us.

Oh, fuck.

"What do you mean?" One of the students questioned, voicing everyone's doubts.

"Make something that puts you into conflict with yourself. Something you simultaneously love and hate, that both gives you joy and pain. Something that you can't get tired of no matter how much you try. Something that makes you question everything and then gives you all the certainties."

"Hum... like God?" A student suggested.

"Or sex." Another one added, causing laughter even in the teacher.

"Whatever it is. I'm sure it will be a different thing for everyone, and each one of you will express it in your own way. I just want you to be able to capture the emotion in the paper. I need to see your dilemma. You can use any material you like, charcoal, oil, watercolors... just make sure you inject as much feeling as you can into your drawing."

Seemed like I had chosen the perfect day to come. While I saw other students struggling to decide on what to do, I didn't even have to think about it. My fingers just grabbed a charcoal stick automatically, itching from the passion of art I had missed so terribly. I was conflicted all the time. The difficult part was to choose just one thing.

***

When I looked at my finished drawing, I couldn't trust my eyes. I didn't believe it. It was far from what I initially intended to do, but I guess that was one of the astonishments of drawing: we never knew where it would lead us. What it would reveal about us each time.

I had drawn a pair of claws holding a heart. Which was a variation from my older drawings... when I would draw my claws slashing hearts and ripping them apart. But these claws right here... they weren't mine. They were dangerously similar to Wolverine's. And why were they not shredding the stupid heart? Why were they holding it like it was mankind's most precious treasure?

I didn't understand. It was as if my art knew me better than myself.

"Felicia." The teacher's voice called. "Would you like to share your drawing with us?"

"I..." I would never be able to explain it to them if I couldn't even explain it to myself. And the idea of showing it in public terrified me. So I closed my notebook and shook my head. "I'd rather not. It came out too personal. It wasn't my intention but..."

The teacher nodded.

"No, it's okay. Drawing can affect us like that, I admit I challenged you all with this idea. But if you ever feel ready to show it..."

I swallowed.

"Is one ever ready to let their soul go? To offer it to the world?"

The teacher smiled.